"To everything, turn, turn, turn..."
I could credit this to the Bible, but I learned this message best from the Byrds. If you don't know what I mean, I couldn't possibly explain myself. Suffice it to say, it was a beautiful song that has stayed with me since I was a teen.
Today, while I was actually enjoying myself at work doing lunch duty, I received a telephone call. I was thinking it might be a parent whose kid was in a bit of trouble, but it was a call from Jones Harrison's executive officer. He called to tell me the Minnesota Office of Elderly Something-or-Other had released the information regarding my Mother's death. He wanted to warn me that a TV station and the local newspaper were going to write articles regarding my Mother's death.
In two days it will be the first anniversary of my Father's death - and the fallout of moving my Mother, selling the house, and her death to all follow in the next six months. I was not ready for this smack in the face.
I immediately went to my boss who stopped everything she was doing to find me the telephone numbers I needed, hook me up with the right people that new how to move and shake, and give me the hug and the afternoon off that I needed. I wanted to stay at work, but she was right - I needed to make some calls and lower my blood pressure.
From work, I first called the TV station that was going to run a story. I got a tad bit of run around, but for the most part they were sympathetic. I asked that they not run the story, and I even pulled the "poor family still in so much mourning" card, but they were not very sympathetic. The story ran, without Mother's name, and without much fanfare. I did not watch it, but Dennis did. He said they mentioned that I had said that she was happy while she lived there.
When I arrived home, the telephone was ringing and it was the Star Tribune, the Minneapolis paper. By this time I was calmer, and asked them to include that we held no animosity towards the facility. The ending article also included that I stated that the staff at the facility was as distraught as the family over the loss.
Today is a new day, and hopefully the beginning of a new season of letting go and mourning without drama.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Showing posts with label death. Show all posts
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Dates of the Year
The past few weeks have been difficult. Dennis has been talking more about death and whining about being a freak. Last Friday I spent the day with a girlfriend, and when I returned home he was a bit pouty. He was jealous that he could not party like he could in the good old days.
May probably will not be a whole lot easier. The 7th is the anniversary of my Father's death, Mother's Day is May 9th and my Mother's birthday would have been May 11th. It's a lot to take in and relive.
But, on a happier note, May 17, is Dennis' and my anniversary of our first official date, 9 years ago.I think we will need to go out on a breakfast date to celebrate loving each other for 9 big years.
I know that I have not written much - there seems so little to say that is relevant. Maybe tomorrow I will think of something completely irrelevant to say, and share it.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
May probably will not be a whole lot easier. The 7th is the anniversary of my Father's death, Mother's Day is May 9th and my Mother's birthday would have been May 11th. It's a lot to take in and relive.
But, on a happier note, May 17, is Dennis' and my anniversary of our first official date, 9 years ago.I think we will need to go out on a breakfast date to celebrate loving each other for 9 big years.
I know that I have not written much - there seems so little to say that is relevant. Maybe tomorrow I will think of something completely irrelevant to say, and share it.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Saturday, April 24, 2010
46 days
This past week I have had a string of calls from Raquel trying to set up an appointment with Dr. Nance, the Parkinson's specialist. She had been contacted about an 8 AM, a 7:30 AM and one other strange, impossible appointment time. Then she called about a 4:10 appointment last Wednesday. This seemed doable and we set it.
I assumed that Dennis had felt the need to make this appointment. Generally he sees his GP every 3 or 4 months and Nance every 6 months. But this appointment had been moved up by 6 weeks. It wasn't until after the appointment that I found out Nance had requested the earlier appointment.
As many of you know by now, Nance is far from my favorite person in Dennis' life. She has always been cold, is unable to call Dennis' disease MSA (she insists on Parkinson's) and bristles when we talk as though we have some of our own knowledge. But she was nicer, and more open this time. We spoke about hospice care, and she was helpful about the whens and the whys to move into hospice care. And, for the first time in 3 years, acknowledged my part in this horrid disease.
So now we think about what happens next. No one can put a time-frame on living with MSA. We have from one day to several million days left together. And while that could be a curse, not knowing, I want to see it as a gift given to us. Time to be together.
In 46 days, I will be with Dennis 24/7.
OMG!!! What Have I Done???????
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
I assumed that Dennis had felt the need to make this appointment. Generally he sees his GP every 3 or 4 months and Nance every 6 months. But this appointment had been moved up by 6 weeks. It wasn't until after the appointment that I found out Nance had requested the earlier appointment.
As many of you know by now, Nance is far from my favorite person in Dennis' life. She has always been cold, is unable to call Dennis' disease MSA (she insists on Parkinson's) and bristles when we talk as though we have some of our own knowledge. But she was nicer, and more open this time. We spoke about hospice care, and she was helpful about the whens and the whys to move into hospice care. And, for the first time in 3 years, acknowledged my part in this horrid disease.
So now we think about what happens next. No one can put a time-frame on living with MSA. We have from one day to several million days left together. And while that could be a curse, not knowing, I want to see it as a gift given to us. Time to be together.
In 46 days, I will be with Dennis 24/7.
OMG!!! What Have I Done???????
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Saturday, March 20, 2010
MSA
I have had a difficult time making my way to the computer lately. When I have made a blog entry, it has been more out of obligation, than desire. It's not that there hasn't been anything to say, it's just that I haven't been able to figure out how to say it.
Ever since I received the phone call from Janet that Patrick, her husband. had died from MSA, I have been unable to put in writing what I has been going on in my brain. I never met Patrick, and only met Janet after his death. But, the lived fairly close to us, went to the same clinic as Dennis and were purchasing the same equipment as we were.
I suppose that makes Dennis' imminent death more real to me.
I am trying to focus on the stories of those like Marsha's; her husband, Johnny, has had MSA for 9 years and is still alive. We also are starting to plan our summer and fall, and that keeps both of us going.
I will find my voice again. Please bear with me while I mourn this latest loss and learn to move forward once again.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Ever since I received the phone call from Janet that Patrick, her husband. had died from MSA, I have been unable to put in writing what I has been going on in my brain. I never met Patrick, and only met Janet after his death. But, the lived fairly close to us, went to the same clinic as Dennis and were purchasing the same equipment as we were.
I suppose that makes Dennis' imminent death more real to me.
I am trying to focus on the stories of those like Marsha's; her husband, Johnny, has had MSA for 9 years and is still alive. We also are starting to plan our summer and fall, and that keeps both of us going.
I will find my voice again. Please bear with me while I mourn this latest loss and learn to move forward once again.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, February 19, 2010
An MSA Death
Another memorial service today. I will, however, only attend the visitation, as I have never met the man who died. I only know his wife through a couple of phone calls and emails.
But, he had MSA, and died from complications of the disease.
Janet found me through my website and asked around at the Parkinson's clinic if anyone knew me. In January, we both gave Joan and Marjorie permission to share our information, and Janet and I talked a little while later. We chatted about life as a care-giver, the uniqueness of MSA, and where we all were headed in the future.
Then, when Dennis checked out the communication device, we were told that Patrick, Janet's husband, was receiving one too. Patrick and Dennis also were in for fittings for electric wheel chairs about the same time. We seemed destined to meet.
In my mind, although it never came out of my mouth, we would get together as couples after both guys had received the new Dynavox that was being built for each of them. I thought about how nice it might be for both guys to "chat" comfortably, and hopefully share quite a few laughs. Sadly, it is now too late.
Tonight, please, hold Patrick and Janet in your hearts. In fact, let's all hold each other in our hearts.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
But, he had MSA, and died from complications of the disease.
Janet found me through my website and asked around at the Parkinson's clinic if anyone knew me. In January, we both gave Joan and Marjorie permission to share our information, and Janet and I talked a little while later. We chatted about life as a care-giver, the uniqueness of MSA, and where we all were headed in the future.
Then, when Dennis checked out the communication device, we were told that Patrick, Janet's husband, was receiving one too. Patrick and Dennis also were in for fittings for electric wheel chairs about the same time. We seemed destined to meet.
In my mind, although it never came out of my mouth, we would get together as couples after both guys had received the new Dynavox that was being built for each of them. I thought about how nice it might be for both guys to "chat" comfortably, and hopefully share quite a few laughs. Sadly, it is now too late.
Tonight, please, hold Patrick and Janet in your hearts. In fact, let's all hold each other in our hearts.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Mother Follow Up
I received a phone call from the President of the facility where Ma had recently been living. Paul and I had met him on the Sunday that Mother was found dead. He was polite and empathetic at that time. Today he impressed me even more.
He called to tell me that the Social Worker had been wrong, and that we did not need to pay for the month of December. But first he offered up sincere condolences, and then let me know that the whole staff had been meeting to try and figure out just what went wrong. I mentioned my concerns about having stairs open to clients, and a wooded area on the grounds that clients were able to access. This wooded area then led to a crevice where Mother was eventually found. I was very adamant about the fact that I wanted these issues addressed. He assured me that these issues were being considered.
I told him that the coroner's office suggested that I report the incident to the Department of Health. The President dude told me that they had self-reported. This made me feel better.
Then he let me know that the staff was having a difficult time with this whole incident. Mother was well liked - she was joyful and loved the staff. I did let him know that I was not holding my mother's death against anyone in particular, but I was angry with the situation in general. Again, he understood.
The cynic will say that he was covering his butt. I can be a cynic, but I can also be too trusting. My intuition tells me that he was sincere, and would accept blame when and if it came to that. I can admire a boss that will accept blame before he lets his employees get beat upon. Thank the gods that I have a cynical brother and sister to keep me in check! We are a great balance, the three of us.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
He called to tell me that the Social Worker had been wrong, and that we did not need to pay for the month of December. But first he offered up sincere condolences, and then let me know that the whole staff had been meeting to try and figure out just what went wrong. I mentioned my concerns about having stairs open to clients, and a wooded area on the grounds that clients were able to access. This wooded area then led to a crevice where Mother was eventually found. I was very adamant about the fact that I wanted these issues addressed. He assured me that these issues were being considered.
I told him that the coroner's office suggested that I report the incident to the Department of Health. The President dude told me that they had self-reported. This made me feel better.
Then he let me know that the staff was having a difficult time with this whole incident. Mother was well liked - she was joyful and loved the staff. I did let him know that I was not holding my mother's death against anyone in particular, but I was angry with the situation in general. Again, he understood.
The cynic will say that he was covering his butt. I can be a cynic, but I can also be too trusting. My intuition tells me that he was sincere, and would accept blame when and if it came to that. I can admire a boss that will accept blame before he lets his employees get beat upon. Thank the gods that I have a cynical brother and sister to keep me in check! We are a great balance, the three of us.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Monday, November 23, 2009
Another Life Change
Was it really only six months ago that my father died?
...3 months ago that I sold my parents house and moved mother to an assisted living home near me?
...1 month ago that I defined, in my words, being old?
Today I must report that my mother has died.
I am happy that both of my parents died while they were still relatively happy and mobile. All of my grandparents suffered miserably before dying. They were able to end that particular cycle of events.
Still.....
Today I made Dennis promise that he would not die within the next 6 months. I am simply not ready for that.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
...3 months ago that I sold my parents house and moved mother to an assisted living home near me?
...1 month ago that I defined, in my words, being old?
Today I must report that my mother has died.
I am happy that both of my parents died while they were still relatively happy and mobile. All of my grandparents suffered miserably before dying. They were able to end that particular cycle of events.
Still.....
Today I made Dennis promise that he would not die within the next 6 months. I am simply not ready for that.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Old
Thursday, sweet Thursday. It's the new Friday. But, I am not going out and "chilaxin'" at a bar with wings and music. I am just happy that I only have two responsibilities for one extra day. Oops, I forgot me. I only have three responsibilities on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays these days; mom, Dennis and me.
I am happy that I have 3 days to spread out my responsibilities instead of the traditional two weekend days. I am happy that the alarm can be set forward an extra hour. I am happy that Dennis and I have a few extra hours to spend together.
But it never feels enough. I have been in denial for quite a while now, that I am officially old. Somewhere, along the line, my parents became elderly and that made me, in turn, old. Dennis is old, beyond his years, and that makes me feel older, still.
There is buzz all around that 60 is the new 40, and 50 is the new thirty. Shit, that ain't true. Maybe if you go under the knife a few times each year, you could look a bit younger, but sooner or later you just look like an old person with tight skin. Or maybe if you keep a young attitude, you could feel younger, but your parents are still going to die and make you feel old.
When we were young, we were in weddings and partied with friends. Now, we attend funerals, and spend time in hospitals and nursing homes.
Still, I have 3 days off and I can only afford that because I am old.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
I am happy that I have 3 days to spread out my responsibilities instead of the traditional two weekend days. I am happy that the alarm can be set forward an extra hour. I am happy that Dennis and I have a few extra hours to spend together.
But it never feels enough. I have been in denial for quite a while now, that I am officially old. Somewhere, along the line, my parents became elderly and that made me, in turn, old. Dennis is old, beyond his years, and that makes me feel older, still.
There is buzz all around that 60 is the new 40, and 50 is the new thirty. Shit, that ain't true. Maybe if you go under the knife a few times each year, you could look a bit younger, but sooner or later you just look like an old person with tight skin. Or maybe if you keep a young attitude, you could feel younger, but your parents are still going to die and make you feel old.
When we were young, we were in weddings and partied with friends. Now, we attend funerals, and spend time in hospitals and nursing homes.
Still, I have 3 days off and I can only afford that because I am old.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Monday, June 8, 2009
Looking Back
I put my last day in at school today. Sigh. I am exhausted. I can't believe how much has happened since last year at this time.
Dennis has been in the hospital twice
Dennis has gone from a walker to a wheel chair
We moved into our condo
We went to Paris and London and are planning our trip to Ireland
I lost a best friend due to Dennis' illness
I gained a bunch of friends and buddies due to Dennis' illness
My father died suddenly and unexpectedly
My mother needs more of her children's care than before
My sister married and moved to London
Whew. I get tired just writing this list.
I am in the process of reading a book called The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. It was made into a movie a couple of years back. I have never seen the movie, but I purchased the book for my mom a year or two ago. When we were staying with mom, after dad's death, I found the book and read it one sleepless evening. I am re-reading it now for an online book group. It's inspirational, touching, and reminds me that life could be so much more difficult. And it could.
This has been a difficult year, but also a year filled with love. Some days, love is all we have.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Dennis has been in the hospital twice
Dennis has gone from a walker to a wheel chair
We moved into our condo
We went to Paris and London and are planning our trip to Ireland
I lost a best friend due to Dennis' illness
I gained a bunch of friends and buddies due to Dennis' illness
My father died suddenly and unexpectedly
My mother needs more of her children's care than before
My sister married and moved to London
Whew. I get tired just writing this list.
I am in the process of reading a book called The Diving Bell and The Butterfly. It was made into a movie a couple of years back. I have never seen the movie, but I purchased the book for my mom a year or two ago. When we were staying with mom, after dad's death, I found the book and read it one sleepless evening. I am re-reading it now for an online book group. It's inspirational, touching, and reminds me that life could be so much more difficult. And it could.
This has been a difficult year, but also a year filled with love. Some days, love is all we have.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Sleeping
There are simply a few things that a person should not talk about when they wake up in the middle of the night and find their partner awake, too.
One is money and the other is death.
Dennis takes a light narcotic sleeping aide, that keeps bad dreams and movements at bay through the night. So when he brings up money worries or decides to tell me how long he believes he has to live, he falls asleep easily after he is finished. Me, I am kept awake for the remainder of the night.
Last night, however, after he announced at 1:30 am that he thinks he has about 2 to 3 years to live, I got up and took one of his pills.
I know, I really do know, that prescribed meds should never be shared. But I also know that going to work without my eight hours is an equally bad idea. So I took one pill and slept until the alarm went off at 5:30.
I suppose I should go back and finish the conversation with Dennis at a time other that the middle of the night. I should also talk to my doctor about a proper sleeping pill for me, for times just like this.
It might also help if I brought a large hammer to bed, and smacked Dennis when he brings up inappropriate night time conversation. But that could lead to jail time, and that has to be worse than taking a prescribed drug, without a prescription.
One is money and the other is death.
Dennis takes a light narcotic sleeping aide, that keeps bad dreams and movements at bay through the night. So when he brings up money worries or decides to tell me how long he believes he has to live, he falls asleep easily after he is finished. Me, I am kept awake for the remainder of the night.
Last night, however, after he announced at 1:30 am that he thinks he has about 2 to 3 years to live, I got up and took one of his pills.
I know, I really do know, that prescribed meds should never be shared. But I also know that going to work without my eight hours is an equally bad idea. So I took one pill and slept until the alarm went off at 5:30.
I suppose I should go back and finish the conversation with Dennis at a time other that the middle of the night. I should also talk to my doctor about a proper sleeping pill for me, for times just like this.
It might also help if I brought a large hammer to bed, and smacked Dennis when he brings up inappropriate night time conversation. But that could lead to jail time, and that has to be worse than taking a prescribed drug, without a prescription.
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