Thursday, February 26, 2009

Eye of the Winter Storm

Dennis had an appointment with one of his doctors today, but it was cancelled due to a winter storm. The storm was suppose to begin around 10am, but actually hit right smack dab in the middle of the first lunch/recess time at noon, CST.

We are suppose to be okay with snow storms in Minnesota, but the truth is, we are never really ready. Sure, we have the snow removal equipment, but money is always tight, and snow is never really removed before it is a tad too late.

So, a drive home from work, on a day when it is snowing, is long, long, long. My drive is usually 20 minutes. During a snow storm, the time doubles, at the least, but more likely the time triples. Since it began snowing at noon, and was expected to last about 8 hours, the 5 pm drive would have lasted over an hour.

So, when Dennis called and told me the appointment had been cancelled, I cheated. I pretended that nothing had changed and I left an hour earlier than usual. And I ended up saving an hours worth of driving and an hours worth of gas. I didn't feel entitled or guilty. I just felt a bit dishonest for not admitting the truth.

Right or wrong, I can live with this.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Cabin Fever

This has been one of the worst years for cabin fever in a very long time. Of course, my memory is short and I may have said the very same thing last year. But, for at least today, I say it most emphatically - everyone I know is suffering from the winter yucks.

The kids are really icky at school, and we are all running out of patience. The adults at work are the second signal that this winter is way too long and crummy. We all want the kids, and their parents, to go far, far away. We want each other to go far, far away. No one is happy.

Tomorrow is Jenny Lind Pride at school. All of the students that have been referral free for the month get to spend a little bit of time having nothing but fun, fun, fun. It's a ton a work for me, but the kids that attend, love it. Most of the staff enjoy these events, but some (the curmudgeon, for one), seems to feel that an hour or two a month is too much time away from academics.

During the fall and spring, these people don't bother me too much, but during the winter, well, it's a whole different story.They really bug me during cabin fever time. In my mind, everyone needs to enjoy life a bit more. I imagine that I really bother the overly serious, as much as they bother me.

It's time for spring.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Odds and Ends

Dennis finally heard from Mayo regarding his last heart test. He failed, again. Now we know for sure that he does not have Shy-Drager.

Dennis' insurance is more messed up than we thought. Nothing is being covered right now, and one customer representative told me that he only has coverage from an HMO in Wisconsin. Huh? Another mess to sort out.

Dr. Kimpinski, at the Mayo, is trying to find help for Dennis to see a movement disorder specialist in Rochester. Perhaps if this insurance issue gets straightened out, he might still get the help he deserves.

Dennis showed me why he believes he has about 2 or 3 years to live. On all of the Parkinson's scale, it appears he is moving into the final stage of any movement disorder disease. Well, I already knew that, but haven't wanted to admit it to myself.

Justina, Dennis' Thursday and Friday PCA, is working out fine. Dennis enjoys her, she works hard and is nice to Dennis. For the first time in a while, I have been feeling better about going to work daily.

We were lucky enough to receive a few inches of snow just in time for my winter carnival event at school. Whew....I was getting a bit worried.

Have a great week ahead.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Sleeping

There are simply a few things that a person should not talk about when they wake up in the middle of the night and find their partner awake, too.

One is money and the other is death.

Dennis takes a light narcotic sleeping aide, that keeps bad dreams and movements at bay through the night. So when he brings up money worries or decides to tell me how long he believes he has to live, he falls asleep easily after he is finished. Me, I am kept awake for the remainder of the night.

Last night, however, after he announced at 1:30 am that he thinks he has about 2 to 3 years to live, I got up and took one of his pills.

I know, I really do know, that prescribed meds should never be shared. But I also know that going to work without my eight hours is an equally bad idea. So I took one pill and slept until the alarm went off at 5:30.

I suppose I should go back and finish the conversation with Dennis at a time other that the middle of the night. I should also talk to my doctor about a proper sleeping pill for me, for times just like this.

It might also help if I brought a large hammer to bed, and smacked Dennis when he brings up inappropriate night time conversation. But that could lead to jail time, and that has to be worse than taking a prescribed drug, without a prescription.

Monday, February 16, 2009

An Extra Day Off

Today is President's Day, an extra day off. Dennis asked his PCA to come in late, rather than not come in at all. I am going to be care free, for a few hours.

I have been sitting here for about 15 minutes, re-reading that sentence. I guess I have nothing else to say right now. So, there it is. I will be care free for a few hours. And that is enough.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Valentine's Day

Happy Valentine's Day!

When Dennis and I were a younger couple, he would send me roses on Valentine's Day and have them delivered to my work site. A few years ago, I encouraged him to stop this insanity. The roses at Valentine's Day were too forced, and died within a few days. He didn't argue, and the deliveries stopped.

Today, I was called to the office during breakfast duty. The most gorgeous long stemmed, scented, red roses in a crystal vase were waiting for me. The card read, "Remember when I used to send you flowers?, Love Dennis."

I love this guy.

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Dang It, I Hate Being Human

Some evenings, like this one, I do everything I can think of, rather than write in my blog. Why is this? Writing should be (and really is) a way to clear myself of what is and isn't working. It should feel good. But I still avoid it, some days.

I do the same thing with exercise. Actually, I don't exercise, much. So I don't really do the same thing. I do blog, most nights and I also avoid exercise, most nights. And both make me feel better, in the long run. Hmmmm. I need to think this through... but I don't really want to, tonight, at least.

I guess it comes down to the question of how we choose to live our lives. Do we want to wallow in what is icky in our lives, or do we decide to do what makes us feel good? I have never understood why we decide to make poor choices. Sheese. My paying job and my personal life, could be so much better if I could figure out my own motivation. Is it really just denial?

I hate to think, or to know, that I am so easily explained by mere labels.

Until later
Ann and Dennis

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

A Substitute Teacher

The speech therapist at school is on vacation and we have had a substitute all week. I usually try to meet all subs and give them a heads up on difficult children and our school expectations. I found this particular woman while she was talking with a group of some of my favorite classroom teachers. It seems they had worked together in the past, and had enjoyed each others company.

Yesterday, she came to me and asked if we could speak privately. It was no big deal, but it ended up in a very nice conversation.

She is has stage 4 cancer. To look at her, you would never guess that she has a life sentence hanging over her head. She has chosen to live each day full of joy and full of life. She is living focused on what is right and not on what is wrong.

She and talked about how a person actually accomplishes this goal. I think a happy spirit, to begin with, helps. She thought a person simply needed to adopt this way of thinking.

I doubt if either of us has the answer to how to meet this particular goal, but I do know that she and I, and Dennis and her husband, are all working on it daily. I suppose that, ultimately, is what is important - know your goal and work.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Upping the Anty

One of the reasons that I wanted to write a daily blog* is to track how Dennis is doing, physically and mentally. It helps me to keep aware of his past, present and future.

I do recall writing about that dreaded call out when I return home from work not too long ago. I didn't realize it was as recent as a week ago.

So, when I came home today and heard Dennis yelling, "Help!", I knew it was time to put my foot down, once again. Oh, how I hate doing this and how he hates hearing this. But it is a natural consequence. He needs to stay where he is after his PCA leaves and until I come home, or we will need to find someone to be here every minute I am not at home.

Right now it has been close to 2 hours that he has been on the floor, in one position or another, because his body is fatigued. He had held himself in place for an hour waiting for me, and he wants to just stay in one place while he recoups. I understand, but I cannot let this happen again.

His falls have reduced since last year, but now he has another non-negotiable regarding taking care of himself. Once his PCA has left, he needs to stay in bed, his chair or wherever he is put, until I return home. Otherwise, we will need to up the anty, once again.

Until later,

Ann and Dennis

*I tried, so hard, to write daily. It was a goal that I was unable to keep.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

New Electronics

Six years ago, Dennis purchased a large screen, high definition TV complete with surround sound. It was so huge, and our living room so small, that when you walked into our home, all you would see is the television. But it was what everyone else secretly desired to own, or so Dennis thought, and he loved the heck out of his set-up.

Over Christmas, Hamed, my nephew, pointed out that our picture was washed out and lousy for watching football. This got Dennis' attention. I think it was because our old, expensive, and state of the art TV was a rear projection model, and our new windows, full of sun, sucked all of the life and color out of it. That and a $350 lamp that needed replacement hadn't been changed for a while.

We set the end of February for the date to purchase a new one. Last Friday, however, our bedroom TV simply stopped working. It had never been a great TV and neither of us were surprised when it died. Saturday, Dennis told me we had about $2,500 in our checking account to spend on whatever we wanted to purchase. We decide to buy a new TV for the bedroom and we might as well buy the living room TV at the same time.

So, Saturday we went shopping. We bought a new TV for the living room and the bedroom. But it doesn't ever stop, with electronics, does it? We are the proud owners of a BlueRay (the next generation of DVD) and a fancy, schmancy outlet, that cost a pretty penny. Supposedly, all of this stuff will pay off in great pictures and preventing burnout of the television.

Life has changed dramatically, hasn't it? Almost everyone reading this will remember black and white TV. Some of us will remember the console TV. Some of us will even remember life without TV.

It's amazing how far we have come with electronics. Now if we could make some movement in brain disorders....

Thursday, February 5, 2009

That Dreaded Call Out

I came home from work at 5:00 today, and the first thing I heard, when I opened the door was that dreaded word, "HELP". Dennis had fallen out of bed while trying to get up. He had been holding on to the end table with his arms, and his face was plastered up against the top of the table. His legs were half on the floor and half on his wheel chair. He had been there an hour.

He wasn't hurt, but he was fatigued. Fatigued from holding himself up to keep his "pull down" from turning into a "fall." Ya gotta love his spin on the event.

It turned out to be a non-event. Well, that is if you call a pull down, and vomiting, a non-event. These days, I guess that is what we call not seeing blood or bruises.

Note to self: Must remind Dennis that if he is not good when left alone for a couple of hours, we will need to have someone here around the clock.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

All This, and No Results, Yet

I am glad that this Mayo visit is finished. It ended up being two very long days and in the end, we never heard the results of the tests. I know we will, eventually, but it is rather a let down spend two days coming and going from the hospital and end up knowing nothing new.

The tests themselves weren't much of anything, from what Dennis told me. Both days he would start out with a cursory check by the nurse, and then he would drink some iodine. The first day this burned his throat, but he was a trooper and took it again the second day. Then he was with the technician being stuck with needles, forcing dye through his veins and towards his heart. He was so comfortable, he fell asleep the first day. We would have between one and four hours off, when he would return and have pictures taken.

All in all it was dull and long. In fact, the most exciting part of the whole adventure was the poop fest. Now aren't you envying us our daily lives?

Monday, February 2, 2009

Day One of Research Test Two

It was a long day - with driving, doctor visits and test, pooping and cleaning up. We had settled into our hotel room and decided to find a place to have a dessert before retiring for the evening. We were both exhausted, but we weren't quite ready to watch TV in bed. There just isn't much else to do in a cheap hotel room, and the book I brought was not calling to me.

We cleaned up, to the best of our abilities, and headed out through the crazy subway and sky way system of Rochester. Rochester is all about the business of hospitals, clinics, research, hotels and restaurants. The subway, and sky way walkways seem to be add-ons, to ensure shopping and eating while making your way around the tiny downtown area in the cold of Minnesota winters. They aren't efficient or direct, but then I am spoiled by the great sky-way system of downtown Minneapolis.

We were off. We weren't venturing too far, just to a hotel a few blocks away. We turned down the wrong hallway, when Dennis said, "Take me back to the room."

We had crabbed at each other all day. He was demanding too much, and I was bossing him around too much. It took me 7 minutes to eat my lunch time burger, it took him 40 minutes to eat half of his. He needed to be cleaned up a few times because of pooping issues, and I didn't feel like cleaning up crap all day. The list of complaints we had were trivial, and really just frustrations that life wasn't feeling quite fair at this particular place and time.

Today was day one of the test. Tomorrow we will find out, we hope, that he does not really have MSA or Shy-Drager. I suppose this was weighing on us all day, too.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Super Bowl Sunday

Oh, gawd. It is Super Bowl Sunday. Dennis has the TV tuned to the game, 2 hours before it is scheduled to start. This is the longest football day of the year. He is even sitting on one of the leather chairs, for the event. His lap is covered with salsa and chips and he is sucking on a Coke.

The perfect football zombie.

I imagine there is a positive side to being a football zombie. He has a way to relax and ignore the outside world. Well, all but 90 football players, several coaches, many high cost ads, etc, etc, etc. At least politics, world woes, economics, an irritating disease and his partner mean nothing to him for a few hours each Sunday.

I have my own diversions. This is just one of his. I admit that I do not understand this particular means of letting go. I suppose that he does not truly comprehend mine, either.

So I will make the special Super Bowl dinner and try to watch TV with him for a few hours. But, most importantly, I will try not to complain too loudly or too often.