Dennis has been going to the Courage Center once again. He quit for a bit, simply because he hated Metro Mobility. Now that Raquel has her license once again, he tries to go at least twice a week.
Today Raquel told me he worked out really hard. He was on the reclining walker for 35 minutes and did his upper body work, too. He needs to keep up with this to keep his muscle atrophy at bay for as long as possible.
He has been getting muscle fatigue quite often lately. He also has been stiffening up more often. It is becoming more and more difficult to get him in and out of the car. We are starting the process of looking at accessible vans. Our lease is up this spring, so hopefully we can turn it in and purchase a used van that he can be wheeled in and out of easily.
His lift chair arrived on Sunday, allowing him to sit in the living room without his wheel chair. It keeps me from breaking my back when helping him up and out of a seat.
He is also looking at those scooters, but I am not encouraging this. I am so afraid that one he gets one of those, he will never see the necessity of walking again. But without his mobility, he will become unhappy. And we do not want an unhappy Dennis.
So we will continue to look for more ways to keep his life as normal as possible.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Monday, November 30, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
Funeral Day
Sleep was easier for both of us last night. The turkey might have helped. More likely, though, is that fact that we had fun with Jane, Ralph, Hamed and Ashley yesterday.
Hamed, Ashley and I shared stories with Jane about Mother's day at the karate tournament. We laughed about how mother complained to Ashley about how long she had been there, and was Hamed ever going to start sparing. Then, on way home, she told me how much fun she had at the tournament.
We talked about Mother switching from a Packer backer, to a Vikings fan. Or rather, that she really didn't care who won the game, as long as someone won.
We talked only about recent memories, and felt better about her dying while she was still happy and healthy.
Today is her funeral. In a few minutes, we will begin the drive to Eau Claire, perhaps for the last time in each of our lives. Then we will begin the process of acceptance.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Hamed, Ashley and I shared stories with Jane about Mother's day at the karate tournament. We laughed about how mother complained to Ashley about how long she had been there, and was Hamed ever going to start sparing. Then, on way home, she told me how much fun she had at the tournament.
We talked about Mother switching from a Packer backer, to a Vikings fan. Or rather, that she really didn't care who won the game, as long as someone won.
We talked only about recent memories, and felt better about her dying while she was still happy and healthy.
Today is her funeral. In a few minutes, we will begin the drive to Eau Claire, perhaps for the last time in each of our lives. Then we will begin the process of acceptance.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Raquel
I was very wise on this Thanksgiving morning! I had Raquel come in and get Dennis ready, so that I could get dinner ready and the house picked up. It turned out to be a very good choice.
Neither Dennis or I got much sleep last night. As I said the other day, Dennis gets needy when I am taking care of something else, and I get overwhelmed. I wish I could be there for him, and him alone, 24/7, but it isn't in the cards. And for so many reasons.
I would kill him after about 2 weeks, is at the top of the list.
Under that heading comes financial needs.
Then there is the needing to be able to have a discussion with someone that I can understand.
Of course, our loving relationship suffering because our roles would become to different.
I could go on, but why?
Anyways, I am glad that Raquel could come in and get him showered, dressed and ready for the day. She also got his wheel chair sparkling for tomorrow and the big day ahead.
She will come in tomorrow, also, to get him showered and into his suit. This will give me the chance to be funeral ready before the 2 hour drive to Eau Claire.
Sometimes I feel so very wise.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Neither Dennis or I got much sleep last night. As I said the other day, Dennis gets needy when I am taking care of something else, and I get overwhelmed. I wish I could be there for him, and him alone, 24/7, but it isn't in the cards. And for so many reasons.
I would kill him after about 2 weeks, is at the top of the list.
Under that heading comes financial needs.
Then there is the needing to be able to have a discussion with someone that I can understand.
Of course, our loving relationship suffering because our roles would become to different.
I could go on, but why?
Anyways, I am glad that Raquel could come in and get him showered, dressed and ready for the day. She also got his wheel chair sparkling for tomorrow and the big day ahead.
She will come in tomorrow, also, to get him showered and into his suit. This will give me the chance to be funeral ready before the 2 hour drive to Eau Claire.
Sometimes I feel so very wise.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Needy
Dennis gets so needy when I am involved in someone else's life - or death, in this case. He was extra needy when my dad died, when I was spending time cleaning out my parent's house, and now, once again.
I think it is because he wants to help, and he cannot. So, instead he wants more of my attention, and frankly, I don't have the energy left to feed his needs.
So he wakes me up in the middle of the night. I cannot understand him at night. He wants something, or wants to say something, but I can't give him what he wants because I don't know what he wants. So he sighs and moans, and I am wide awake.
And, now both of us are whining - he in bed and me right here. Sigh.....
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.
I think it is because he wants to help, and he cannot. So, instead he wants more of my attention, and frankly, I don't have the energy left to feed his needs.
So he wakes me up in the middle of the night. I cannot understand him at night. He wants something, or wants to say something, but I can't give him what he wants because I don't know what he wants. So he sighs and moans, and I am wide awake.
And, now both of us are whining - he in bed and me right here. Sigh.....
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Happy Thanksgiving, one and all.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Another Life Change
Was it really only six months ago that my father died?
...3 months ago that I sold my parents house and moved mother to an assisted living home near me?
...1 month ago that I defined, in my words, being old?
Today I must report that my mother has died.
I am happy that both of my parents died while they were still relatively happy and mobile. All of my grandparents suffered miserably before dying. They were able to end that particular cycle of events.
Still.....
Today I made Dennis promise that he would not die within the next 6 months. I am simply not ready for that.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
...3 months ago that I sold my parents house and moved mother to an assisted living home near me?
...1 month ago that I defined, in my words, being old?
Today I must report that my mother has died.
I am happy that both of my parents died while they were still relatively happy and mobile. All of my grandparents suffered miserably before dying. They were able to end that particular cycle of events.
Still.....
Today I made Dennis promise that he would not die within the next 6 months. I am simply not ready for that.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, November 19, 2009
ER, again...
Last night Dennis and I took another trip to the ER. I sent him by ambulance and followed in the car. When I arrived, and walked up to the window, the nurse handed me a visitor pass with the room number already written on it. She greeted me by name. This isn't a place where I would ever have expected to become well known. Sigh...
When we came home, we both laughed about wishing we could get frequent flyer miles.
I knew this new cath was going to be an on-going story.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
When we came home, we both laughed about wishing we could get frequent flyer miles.
I knew this new cath was going to be an on-going story.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Roles and Responsiblities
At work today we were discussing the age old problem of prepping, cooking and cleaning up after the holiday meals. Men, age and women all entered into the conversation. Who should prep? Clean the house? Cook the food? Serve the food? Clean up later and watch football?
Then I threw in the disability card. I swore that I would never throw in a card for anything. I wish I could take it back. But it is out there and there is little I can do about it now. I played the one-up-bull.
I have always been a bit militant about the "duties" of women and men. When I was young, there were definite roles, which was normal for my generation. I never liked these roles, mostly because I hated putting my hands in dirty dishwater. Much to my mother's chagrin, I began to make a fuss as the men parted to the TV area and the women were dismissed to the kitchen. I wasn't popular at family gatherings for a while.
Dennis was a sweet change into my life. He cooked and he did dishes. We found a great balance with one of doing job or the other, with very little quibbling.
But now, at family gatherings....
Dennis can't do much. Mother forgets, and doesn't do much. For some reason, my nephew and his girlfriend just don't do anything. Jane and Ralph aren't here often. Paul is never here; at least he does not add to the load. But for the first time in my life I am okay with most of this. I don't care about the disabilities standing in the way of family gatherings right now.
Dennis and Mother can't help their situations. Hamed and Ashely will eventually be in charge of hosting events, and the payback will be their due. Jane and Ralph always do their share when they are around. And roles and boundaries just are not as important as they were at other times in my life.
Maybe I just grew up?
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Then I threw in the disability card. I swore that I would never throw in a card for anything. I wish I could take it back. But it is out there and there is little I can do about it now. I played the one-up-bull.
I have always been a bit militant about the "duties" of women and men. When I was young, there were definite roles, which was normal for my generation. I never liked these roles, mostly because I hated putting my hands in dirty dishwater. Much to my mother's chagrin, I began to make a fuss as the men parted to the TV area and the women were dismissed to the kitchen. I wasn't popular at family gatherings for a while.
Dennis was a sweet change into my life. He cooked and he did dishes. We found a great balance with one of doing job or the other, with very little quibbling.
But now, at family gatherings....
Dennis can't do much. Mother forgets, and doesn't do much. For some reason, my nephew and his girlfriend just don't do anything. Jane and Ralph aren't here often. Paul is never here; at least he does not add to the load. But for the first time in my life I am okay with most of this. I don't care about the disabilities standing in the way of family gatherings right now.
Dennis and Mother can't help their situations. Hamed and Ashely will eventually be in charge of hosting events, and the payback will be their due. Jane and Ralph always do their share when they are around. And roles and boundaries just are not as important as they were at other times in my life.
Maybe I just grew up?
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Nuerological Disorder Family Member #3
Friday I took Shiva, the cat, to the vet for her check-up and shots. Whenever I see her around other cats, I am shocked by her size. She is about 1 1/2 years old, and still weighs under 7 pounds. The doctor said she is the perfect weight for her size.
But, the doctor also confirmed something that I had been thinking for a very long time.
She has a neurological disorder. Her brain is only half developed. In other words, she is a half-wit.
This explains why Shiva cannot leap, or misses when she attempts a leap. It also explains why she simply tips over at times just walking along. She still is cat like and wants to perch, but she needs help getting up on the back of chairs or sitting on the window sill.
The staff showed me one of the clinic cats with the same disorder. She fell over, too, had a hard time playing with toys and looked befuddled.
I am simply destined to be surrounded by special needs living things. Oh well, at least they are all of sweet dispositions.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
But, the doctor also confirmed something that I had been thinking for a very long time.
She has a neurological disorder. Her brain is only half developed. In other words, she is a half-wit.
This explains why Shiva cannot leap, or misses when she attempts a leap. It also explains why she simply tips over at times just walking along. She still is cat like and wants to perch, but she needs help getting up on the back of chairs or sitting on the window sill.
The staff showed me one of the clinic cats with the same disorder. She fell over, too, had a hard time playing with toys and looked befuddled.
I am simply destined to be surrounded by special needs living things. Oh well, at least they are all of sweet dispositions.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, November 11, 2009
Telephones
When I was in my twenties, I became involved with a guy who turned out to be a bum. He didn't pay bills, show up for work and had two kids who were in trouble all of the time. The telephone rang all the time with complaints about one of the three of them. This was long before caller ID and I dreaded hearing the phone ring.
The relationship ran it's course, but the dread of the phone calls did not. I had become conditioned to break out in a sweat whenever the phone began to ring. I spent the better part of my adult life running away from telephone.
By the time Dennis and I found each other, I had shaken off the fear of phone calls. But in the last two years, the old feelings have begun to return.
A 6:00 am phone ringing means a PCA isn't going to show up for work. This, in turn, means that I must scramble to find coverage for Dennis, or take a day off of work.
Any phone call between 8:00 and 4:00 could be either about Mother or Dennis - a fall, a tear in the skin (really, I have had a call about this), someone is going to the hospital or worse. Often, I get phone calls from Assisted Living or the Transitional Care Unit, telling me that Mother is in trouble (she and a friend were leaving the grounds to walk)or she is missing a meal or some other silly thing. Then, the bill comes at the end of the month and there is a charge for these calls! I didn't want the call in the first place, and now you are going to charge me for it?
At least these days we have caller ID and I know who is calling, if not why they are calling.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
The relationship ran it's course, but the dread of the phone calls did not. I had become conditioned to break out in a sweat whenever the phone began to ring. I spent the better part of my adult life running away from telephone.
By the time Dennis and I found each other, I had shaken off the fear of phone calls. But in the last two years, the old feelings have begun to return.
A 6:00 am phone ringing means a PCA isn't going to show up for work. This, in turn, means that I must scramble to find coverage for Dennis, or take a day off of work.
Any phone call between 8:00 and 4:00 could be either about Mother or Dennis - a fall, a tear in the skin (really, I have had a call about this), someone is going to the hospital or worse. Often, I get phone calls from Assisted Living or the Transitional Care Unit, telling me that Mother is in trouble (she and a friend were leaving the grounds to walk)or she is missing a meal or some other silly thing. Then, the bill comes at the end of the month and there is a charge for these calls! I didn't want the call in the first place, and now you are going to charge me for it?
At least these days we have caller ID and I know who is calling, if not why they are calling.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, November 6, 2009
Something New?
Oy! A full moon and Halloween candy makes for a very, very long week in schools. I am very happy this week has been checked off and completed.
I don't think I can blame candy or a full moon for Dennis' latest trials and tribulations, however.
He has been so much better, since our brief time with a family therapist (we were deemed in darned good shape considering our situation) about waking me up in the middle of the night. However, the last few nights he has yelled out "seven" until I was awake enough to tend to his needs.
Seven is the level of pain he is experiencing. In the ER and Urgent Care centers, they have a rating scale, 1 to 10, on pain. Dennis, not being a stoic Scandinavian, heads directly to the high numbers. We have, however, agreed that a 7 is "wake Ann," worthy.
He has been having issues with his cath. He feels it is clogged, even though there is some urine in the bag. I have been able, via a syringe, been able to pull out quite a bit of urine whenever he announces to me, "Seven."
Raquel called the urologist, and they figured he had a bladder infection. They prescribed another antibiotic for him. I am doubting that this is the real problem. Okay, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I know that something is amiss.
Unfortunately, I fear that more is to come.
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis
I don't think I can blame candy or a full moon for Dennis' latest trials and tribulations, however.
He has been so much better, since our brief time with a family therapist (we were deemed in darned good shape considering our situation) about waking me up in the middle of the night. However, the last few nights he has yelled out "seven" until I was awake enough to tend to his needs.
Seven is the level of pain he is experiencing. In the ER and Urgent Care centers, they have a rating scale, 1 to 10, on pain. Dennis, not being a stoic Scandinavian, heads directly to the high numbers. We have, however, agreed that a 7 is "wake Ann," worthy.
He has been having issues with his cath. He feels it is clogged, even though there is some urine in the bag. I have been able, via a syringe, been able to pull out quite a bit of urine whenever he announces to me, "Seven."
Raquel called the urologist, and they figured he had a bladder infection. They prescribed another antibiotic for him. I am doubting that this is the real problem. Okay, I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV, but I know that something is amiss.
Unfortunately, I fear that more is to come.
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, November 4, 2009
Blah, blah, blah
When, and if, I look back on these blog entries, I wonder how many I will find to be immature, or whiney, or self-destructive, etc. Perhaps I should add a vote at the end of each post for feedback. Perhaps I do not really want to know.
It's been a tough week at work. A full moon to start off the week, coupled with too much sugar in a kids post-Halloween diet, are automatic warnings to self-destructive behavior. I have come home pooped and running on auto-pilot all week. It's typical of this week of the year. If forced, I could find the hard data to prove all of this, but I would prefer a simple act of trusting my word.
Whatever does any of this have to do with Dennis' MSA or my being a caregiver?
I am grateful that we have found the right cadre of carers to work with Dennis. I know it will always be fluid, but I have accepted that. For today we have the right group.
I am grateful that I know my job, enjoy my job, and have found a balance with my job and my life.
I received a call from the TCU where Mother is right now, and she should be able to return to her apartment sometime next week.
The country social worker is ready to help us apply for Medical Assistance, so that we can have a bit more time for PCA help for Dennis
I know that the two of us are bright enough, resilient enough, tough enough, strong enough and willing to let all that is hurled at us to be resolved. And when we do not have the knowledge to move forward, we do know how to find the answers.
I am grateful that both of us have learned how to ask for help, receive help and allow help into our lives. Thank you to all of us that have heard and responded to our requests for help.
It's been a tough week at work. A full moon to start off the week, coupled with too much sugar in a kids post-Halloween diet, are automatic warnings to self-destructive behavior. I have come home pooped and running on auto-pilot all week. It's typical of this week of the year. If forced, I could find the hard data to prove all of this, but I would prefer a simple act of trusting my word.
Whatever does any of this have to do with Dennis' MSA or my being a caregiver?
I am grateful that we have found the right cadre of carers to work with Dennis. I know it will always be fluid, but I have accepted that. For today we have the right group.
I am grateful that I know my job, enjoy my job, and have found a balance with my job and my life.
I received a call from the TCU where Mother is right now, and she should be able to return to her apartment sometime next week.
The country social worker is ready to help us apply for Medical Assistance, so that we can have a bit more time for PCA help for Dennis
I know that the two of us are bright enough, resilient enough, tough enough, strong enough and willing to let all that is hurled at us to be resolved. And when we do not have the knowledge to move forward, we do know how to find the answers.
I am grateful that both of us have learned how to ask for help, receive help and allow help into our lives. Thank you to all of us that have heard and responded to our requests for help.
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
Full Moons
When I drove my mother home on Sunday, I looked at the sky with trepidation - the moon was full. I knew that Monday the kids would be full of Halloween sugar and out of sync with life because the moon was in a funky state.
This was one area where my father and I always disagreed. He was unable to accept changes that were not scientifically based. I, on the other hand, embraced new age thinking' at least that stuff that I had been able to view first hand.
I, like dad, used data to determine the past, future and present. The data we collected differed, however. I have data to show that children (at the very least) are behaviorally challenged by a full moon. I have a belief, without personally collected data, that sugar alters behavior. Thus, in my experience and data based thinking, Halloween and a full moon do not mix well.
I do not collect specific data anymore, but this week proved both of my long-term beliefs, based on data, to be true. At least about children, in school settings.
If I had the energy and someone to financially back me, I believe I could show that a full moon, and a seasonal time change, also affect many of us in an adverse manner. Alas, I have neither the energy or the money. So, no one, but those of us that are affected by such small matters, have much say in the matter.
Perhaps we should not have much say. Perhaps there is a reasonable big picture that some of us are incapable of understanding, or have simply not been shown. Perhaps I am simply whining, once again, about something that affects no one but myself.
In the long run, all I really know, and am able to back up, with data, is that candy giving holidays should never coincide with a full moon. And, perhaps, that is enough.
This was one area where my father and I always disagreed. He was unable to accept changes that were not scientifically based. I, on the other hand, embraced new age thinking' at least that stuff that I had been able to view first hand.
I, like dad, used data to determine the past, future and present. The data we collected differed, however. I have data to show that children (at the very least) are behaviorally challenged by a full moon. I have a belief, without personally collected data, that sugar alters behavior. Thus, in my experience and data based thinking, Halloween and a full moon do not mix well.
I do not collect specific data anymore, but this week proved both of my long-term beliefs, based on data, to be true. At least about children, in school settings.
If I had the energy and someone to financially back me, I believe I could show that a full moon, and a seasonal time change, also affect many of us in an adverse manner. Alas, I have neither the energy or the money. So, no one, but those of us that are affected by such small matters, have much say in the matter.
Perhaps we should not have much say. Perhaps there is a reasonable big picture that some of us are incapable of understanding, or have simply not been shown. Perhaps I am simply whining, once again, about something that affects no one but myself.
In the long run, all I really know, and am able to back up, with data, is that candy giving holidays should never coincide with a full moon. And, perhaps, that is enough.
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Sundowners
Sundowners disease.
Cyndi, my non-SIL in California, first mentioned this to me last spring when we were trying to figure out what to do with Mother for the rest of her life. She did quite a bit of online research, and it made sense.
Then, as I was reading the thoughts and writings of other boomers, I heard other people mention this new phenomenon. It seems people with Alzheimer's Disease get more confused and frustrated once the sun sets.
Today, I fully witnessed this phenomenon.
We had Hamed and Ashely over for their birthdays. We broiled steaks, had wine (Ashely turned 21!) and then watched football. It was the Vikings (Dennis's and Hamed's team favorite team) vs the Packers (Ma's team), but they didn't play until 3:15. Dennis had playfully made Ma put on a Vikings jersey and he wore his very own. Everyone, including Ashley and me (we both dislike football), were enjoying the game and sharing stories.
About 5:00, the sun began to set. First Dennis said he needed to lay down. Once I had him in bed, I asked Hamed if he would drive Mother back to JH. Then she began to fidget. "You can take me home whenever...", "Is the game almost over? I want to see the end, but, does Hamed know where I live?" "Is it dinner time? Did I eat dinner?" "Do they need to walk me up? Do I need to check in?"
Finally, I admitted defeat. I needed to take Mother back to her home. As soon as I said, "Let's go, Mom, I will drive you home," she settled down and we left immediately. She wanted to get into her pajamas immediately and get into bed when we entered her room.
On the drive back I was wondering if light therapy would help those with neurological disorders. I must remember to look that up.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Cyndi, my non-SIL in California, first mentioned this to me last spring when we were trying to figure out what to do with Mother for the rest of her life. She did quite a bit of online research, and it made sense.
Then, as I was reading the thoughts and writings of other boomers, I heard other people mention this new phenomenon. It seems people with Alzheimer's Disease get more confused and frustrated once the sun sets.
Today, I fully witnessed this phenomenon.
We had Hamed and Ashely over for their birthdays. We broiled steaks, had wine (Ashely turned 21!) and then watched football. It was the Vikings (Dennis's and Hamed's team favorite team) vs the Packers (Ma's team), but they didn't play until 3:15. Dennis had playfully made Ma put on a Vikings jersey and he wore his very own. Everyone, including Ashley and me (we both dislike football), were enjoying the game and sharing stories.
About 5:00, the sun began to set. First Dennis said he needed to lay down. Once I had him in bed, I asked Hamed if he would drive Mother back to JH. Then she began to fidget. "You can take me home whenever...", "Is the game almost over? I want to see the end, but, does Hamed know where I live?" "Is it dinner time? Did I eat dinner?" "Do they need to walk me up? Do I need to check in?"
Finally, I admitted defeat. I needed to take Mother back to her home. As soon as I said, "Let's go, Mom, I will drive you home," she settled down and we left immediately. She wanted to get into her pajamas immediately and get into bed when we entered her room.
On the drive back I was wondering if light therapy would help those with neurological disorders. I must remember to look that up.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Birthdays
It's the first of November, and birthday party time in the Osterhus household. Well, it used to be a big event. My brother, sister and father were all born in November, their birthdays all within one weeks time. Then Hamed, the only kid this generation produced, was born two days before Halloween. Adding to the mix is Ashley, Hamed's girlfriend, with a November birthday, also. We had multiple parties when Hamed was a a child and then moved to one big birthday when he was old enough to share.
First Paul dropped out of the party scene, moving to California many years ago. Then Jane moved to London and this spring Dad died.
Today it will be just Hamed and Ashley celebrating with Dennis, Mother and me providing the entertainment and food. Actually the Vikings and the Packers will provide the entertainment and I will provide the food.
Happy birthday to anyone celebrating this month!
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis
First Paul dropped out of the party scene, moving to California many years ago. Then Jane moved to London and this spring Dad died.
Today it will be just Hamed and Ashley celebrating with Dennis, Mother and me providing the entertainment and food. Actually the Vikings and the Packers will provide the entertainment and I will provide the food.
Happy birthday to anyone celebrating this month!
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis
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