At work today we were discussing the age old problem of prepping, cooking and cleaning up after the holiday meals. Men, age and women all entered into the conversation. Who should prep? Clean the house? Cook the food? Serve the food? Clean up later and watch football?
Then I threw in the disability card. I swore that I would never throw in a card for anything. I wish I could take it back. But it is out there and there is little I can do about it now. I played the one-up-bull.
I have always been a bit militant about the "duties" of women and men. When I was young, there were definite roles, which was normal for my generation. I never liked these roles, mostly because I hated putting my hands in dirty dishwater. Much to my mother's chagrin, I began to make a fuss as the men parted to the TV area and the women were dismissed to the kitchen. I wasn't popular at family gatherings for a while.
Dennis was a sweet change into my life. He cooked and he did dishes. We found a great balance with one of doing job or the other, with very little quibbling.
But now, at family gatherings....
Dennis can't do much. Mother forgets, and doesn't do much. For some reason, my nephew and his girlfriend just don't do anything. Jane and Ralph aren't here often. Paul is never here; at least he does not add to the load. But for the first time in my life I am okay with most of this. I don't care about the disabilities standing in the way of family gatherings right now.
Dennis and Mother can't help their situations. Hamed and Ashely will eventually be in charge of hosting events, and the payback will be their due. Jane and Ralph always do their share when they are around. And roles and boundaries just are not as important as they were at other times in my life.
Maybe I just grew up?
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
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