It was a long day, today. Dennis wanted to get out of bed at 6 am and no matter how much I begged, there was not going to be any relenting. He had been in bed for 12 hours and he had a sore back. By the time I had gotten him up, dressed, changed and fed, I was wide awake, too. So I picked up the house and shot off a few emails regarding the sale of Mother's house.Then it was off for a hair cut for me, stitches replaced for Dennis, a stop at BlockBusters for a few Blueray disks (fancy ass DVDs) and a unplanned pizza pickup at the best pizza shop in Minneapolis.
By the time we returned home, 4 pm, Dennis was exhausted again. We managed to get in one tube feeding, one slice of pizza each and one movie, before Dennis went back to bed. Well, he had been up for 14 hours, and that is a long day for him.
I gave him two sleeping pills (it's within the prescribed amount) hoping he would sleep a little later for a Saturday morning sleep in late. These pills not only help him sleep longer, but also quieter. The muscle relaxers in the pills also keep him from slugging me in the middle of the night. They often help with his vivid dreams and wild screams. Not always, but most of the time.
All was well when I went to bed a few hours later. He was sound asleep and quiet. I drifted off into my own dream land and hoped for the best.
3 am. The usual time for sleep, interrupted, but not the usual suspect. One of those damn smoke detectors was beeping. I rolled over, trying to ignore it. Nope, that wasn't going to work. I finally got up, pulled a chair under the contraption right outside our bedroom door, and reached. Damn high ceilings, I couldn't reach. I went to the pantry, where Dennis had put a pole that I cursed every time I opened the pantry, and tried to reach it once again. Success! I had disarmed the detector!
By this time, Stinker, (Shiva, the kitty) was following me around and wanted up, on the bed. Actually, she wanted to lay on my belly and allow me to rub her face for a while. This was cool with me. I needed to unwind after my trials with the alarm. And just as I had started to forget reality, the beeping started again.
Who in the world, invented such a contraption? An alarm is suppose to give warning when it is necessary. Crying wolf is contradictory to what an alarm is meant to do.
I tried, once again to ignore it. I counted the seconds between the beeps. Knowing when the next beep is coming is easier for me than waiting for the next beep. Exactly 15 seconds between beeps. 4 beeps a minute. 240 beeps an hour. I wanted to sleep for at least 3 more hours, which meant I needed to tolerate over 700 more beeps. Shit. I couldn't do it.
I got up, again. I pulled out the fold up stool. Wisely, I put on a robe. Not only do we have high ceilings, but also too many windows for a late night naked scenario on a stool. I found the battery cover and opened it up. Damn. A 9 volt battery.
Who, in this world, keeps a stock of 9 volt batteries around? Not us, it appears.
It's times like these that I miss my old Dennis the most. Oh, I have lived alone as many years as I have lived with someone else. I know how to take care of myself. But, when you live with someone, you don't always want to take care of everything. Okay, let the self-pity go.
The upshot is, by now it is after 4 am, and here I sit. Counting the damn seconds between beeps. And, as it should be, Dennis has started making noises and talking in his sleep. The pills have worn off and my REM sleep is gone until at least tomorrow night. At least I got an entry written for today.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Thursday, July 30, 2009
A Mother Day
Today was a day with Mother. This means a 2 hour drive, a visit with repetitive conversations, a confused woman, and a woman who really, really needs to work hard on her patience. Today we were both able to laugh and hide our frustrations.
Mom is moving up to Minneapolis in two weeks to move into an assisted living apartment very near me. She wants to, which is a blessing, but she is overwhelmed. This is understandable. I have tried to take away as much of the decision making as possible, by choosing her apartment and setting up the details. She, however, was the one to make the final decision about changing the city she lives in for the rest of her life.
Today, I went to take care of some business, but also help her decide on what she would take. I told her she had room for 2 chairs and a table, and then asked which she would like to take. She couldn't decide. I told her she had room for art work, and should take 2 or 3 paintings. She told me to pick them out. Thankfully, I knew she liked the Cassatt and then she picked out a Picasso (that surprised me!).
I know this is hard. I know she really doesn't care what she is surrounded with in her new home. I really don't think she cares about much of anything, anymore. I think moving her into her own apartment with people her own age will be good for her. She is already talking about how she will go out of her way to meet other people. She was excited about "movie night" and thought she would like to take in some movies. Her attitude is good.
This post was a ramble, I know.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Mom is moving up to Minneapolis in two weeks to move into an assisted living apartment very near me. She wants to, which is a blessing, but she is overwhelmed. This is understandable. I have tried to take away as much of the decision making as possible, by choosing her apartment and setting up the details. She, however, was the one to make the final decision about changing the city she lives in for the rest of her life.
Today, I went to take care of some business, but also help her decide on what she would take. I told her she had room for 2 chairs and a table, and then asked which she would like to take. She couldn't decide. I told her she had room for art work, and should take 2 or 3 paintings. She told me to pick them out. Thankfully, I knew she liked the Cassatt and then she picked out a Picasso (that surprised me!).
I know this is hard. I know she really doesn't care what she is surrounded with in her new home. I really don't think she cares about much of anything, anymore. I think moving her into her own apartment with people her own age will be good for her. She is already talking about how she will go out of her way to meet other people. She was excited about "movie night" and thought she would like to take in some movies. Her attitude is good.
This post was a ramble, I know.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
Exhaustion
I must admit, when we decided to get both of Dennis' surgeries done in the same week, I wondered if it was a wise decision. But all of the doctor's seemed okay with the idea, so we went ahead.
Today, Dennis said he questioned the wisdom of our decision.
He is still in bed. He has been out for an hour or two at a time, but he seems to need so much sleep. And his body is still tender and sore. And he is sensitive, oh so very sensitive. I guess I am too. We are both tired, in so many ways.
I suppose it doesn't really matter whether the surgeries were a few days apart, a few weeks apart or a few months apart. They would still have worn us both out. There just would have been two episodes of exhaustion, instead of one.
Until later
Ann and Dennis
Today, Dennis said he questioned the wisdom of our decision.
He is still in bed. He has been out for an hour or two at a time, but he seems to need so much sleep. And his body is still tender and sore. And he is sensitive, oh so very sensitive. I guess I am too. We are both tired, in so many ways.
I suppose it doesn't really matter whether the surgeries were a few days apart, a few weeks apart or a few months apart. They would still have worn us both out. There just would have been two episodes of exhaustion, instead of one.
Until later
Ann and Dennis
Monday, July 27, 2009
I Need a Break
I NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE!
Oh, my, a bit of a rant, would you say?
I have been Dennis only care giver for the past 5 weeks, give or take a day or two when Raquel was here before the surgeries. I am tired and need a day away.
I am expecting Raquel this morning, but she had a bit of trouble lately, and may not be able to show up. Or if she does show up, she most likely will be late. You just never know with Raquel. She has proven to be pretty reliable when I am working, but she falls down a bit when I am on vacation. She would never leave Dennis purposely alone, but she feels a bit less needed when I am at home.
Not true, girl. I need you this week more than I have in a very long time.
And, guess who just walked in! My savior, Raquel. Cheerful, loving, Raquel. Thank you Lord, for delivery her to me, just when I need her most. I can leave the house. I can leave the house. I am free!
Sorry, I am not about to waste any more time writing. I am going to head for the shower and make my way out of here as fast as possible.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis and Raquel
Oh, my, a bit of a rant, would you say?
I have been Dennis only care giver for the past 5 weeks, give or take a day or two when Raquel was here before the surgeries. I am tired and need a day away.
I am expecting Raquel this morning, but she had a bit of trouble lately, and may not be able to show up. Or if she does show up, she most likely will be late. You just never know with Raquel. She has proven to be pretty reliable when I am working, but she falls down a bit when I am on vacation. She would never leave Dennis purposely alone, but she feels a bit less needed when I am at home.
Not true, girl. I need you this week more than I have in a very long time.
And, guess who just walked in! My savior, Raquel. Cheerful, loving, Raquel. Thank you Lord, for delivery her to me, just when I need her most. I can leave the house. I can leave the house. I am free!
Sorry, I am not about to waste any more time writing. I am going to head for the shower and make my way out of here as fast as possible.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis and Raquel
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Surgeries Completed
Both surgeries have been completed and have been deemed successful. He know has two tubes protruding from his lower belly region. I thought about posting a picture, but instead, I will let your imaginations run wild.
Our house looks more and more like a hospital room every day. There is a wheel chair and a walker. There are day and night urine bags. There are diapers, bed pads and disposable bed pads. Next to the bed is a hospital table. Now we have added one of those beautiful poles that bags hang from, complete with a pump. We have 5 cases of high calorie liquid food and one case of syringes. We have 40 iv type bags with a special "Y" closure.
Feedings are fairly easy. You always begin a feeding with 60 milliliters of water injected with a syringe into the stomach. Then, you can either directly inject a can of food and follow with water, once again, or hook up to the pump. When using the pump, you fill a bag with two or three cans of food, thread the pump, much like a sewing machine and hook it up to the stomach tube. It takes about 3 hours for each can to drip into the stomach.
The catheter pretty much works the same as the old one. Once he gets past all the pain he is in, I think he will find out that he likes the new placement.
The tricky part will be getting him dressed. One tube is directly above the pant line and the other right below. Hopefully this will be the only tricky part. I will do my very best not to hook the wrong tube into the wrong tool. I don't want to be feeding his bladder.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Our house looks more and more like a hospital room every day. There is a wheel chair and a walker. There are day and night urine bags. There are diapers, bed pads and disposable bed pads. Next to the bed is a hospital table. Now we have added one of those beautiful poles that bags hang from, complete with a pump. We have 5 cases of high calorie liquid food and one case of syringes. We have 40 iv type bags with a special "Y" closure.
Feedings are fairly easy. You always begin a feeding with 60 milliliters of water injected with a syringe into the stomach. Then, you can either directly inject a can of food and follow with water, once again, or hook up to the pump. When using the pump, you fill a bag with two or three cans of food, thread the pump, much like a sewing machine and hook it up to the stomach tube. It takes about 3 hours for each can to drip into the stomach.
The catheter pretty much works the same as the old one. Once he gets past all the pain he is in, I think he will find out that he likes the new placement.
The tricky part will be getting him dressed. One tube is directly above the pant line and the other right below. Hopefully this will be the only tricky part. I will do my very best not to hook the wrong tube into the wrong tool. I don't want to be feeding his bladder.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, July 23, 2009
One Surgery Done
My brain is on over-load. Even a stranger would be able to tell that I do not know if I am coming or going. I need to do a brain dump. I need to make a list. Then, I need to read it!
Dennis feeding tube placement went very well. Everyone seems happy with the results. However, it is a whole lot of new work for me. It needs to be cleaned, dressed, filled, rinsed, pumped, and kept to one side of his body. There are multiple prescriptions to be filled - food, pumps, liquid meds, ground up meds, sterile this and that. Then the rental company needs to come over and train me and drop off more goods. I have been trained by a nurse, someone in the vascular center, someone from nutrition and pretty soon they are going to let me actually touch the new feeding tube.
I am grateful they are so thorough. I am just tired of input, input, input. As I was typing this a nurse called me (I am trying to take a break from the hospital) and asked me a million questions. I wanted to tell her that I am tired of thinking. But I was a good girl, and I was polite, and I answered all of her questions without sounding exasperated.
Now it's back to the hospital to practice a feeding. Then he should be able to come home and kitty and I can take a nap.
Dennis feeding tube placement went very well. Everyone seems happy with the results. However, it is a whole lot of new work for me. It needs to be cleaned, dressed, filled, rinsed, pumped, and kept to one side of his body. There are multiple prescriptions to be filled - food, pumps, liquid meds, ground up meds, sterile this and that. Then the rental company needs to come over and train me and drop off more goods. I have been trained by a nurse, someone in the vascular center, someone from nutrition and pretty soon they are going to let me actually touch the new feeding tube.
I am grateful they are so thorough. I am just tired of input, input, input. As I was typing this a nurse called me (I am trying to take a break from the hospital) and asked me a million questions. I wanted to tell her that I am tired of thinking. But I was a good girl, and I was polite, and I answered all of her questions without sounding exasperated.
Now it's back to the hospital to practice a feeding. Then he should be able to come home and kitty and I can take a nap.
Feeding Tube
The first surgery went well. The feeding tube is in place and the nurses tell me that the dressing in the incision look perfect.
Today, at 10am, we will learn about how to use the tube, how to clean it and how to replace it when needed. We will also learn about crushing his pill and forcing them into the tube. Dennis will never need to chew on anything unless he chooses to do so.
I think he will continue eating for a very long time. Especially ice cream and any other dessert he is able to get his hands upon.
I will let you all know later just how this works. First, though, I must get educated.
Until later
Ann and Dennis
Today, at 10am, we will learn about how to use the tube, how to clean it and how to replace it when needed. We will also learn about crushing his pill and forcing them into the tube. Dennis will never need to chew on anything unless he chooses to do so.
I think he will continue eating for a very long time. Especially ice cream and any other dessert he is able to get his hands upon.
I will let you all know later just how this works. First, though, I must get educated.
Until later
Ann and Dennis
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Doctors and Time
Dennis loves his general practitioner, Dr. Kieffer. He is thorough and kind, and always remembers the little pieces of personal information that you share with him. But, you must come to an appointment prepared to spend an hour or two in his room.
Yesterday, that hour or two became three hours.
Today, I took Dennis to a new dentist. He finally figured out that I was serious when I told him I would not drive for 30 minutes just so he could see his old dentist in Lakeville. He is very wary of change, and has a low threshold for pain. He was comfortable with his dentist. I, on the other hand, see the value in keeping a specific doctor in your life, but find the world of dentistry a bit less personal in nature.
The point is, the new dentist is a bit like Kiefer - thorough and kind, but slow. Dennis loved him! I finished my book, read a People magazine (one of my guilty doctor's office pleasures), shopped at a pharmacy and stared at CNN for over 3 hours, once again.
Tomorrow surgery is slated for 10:30. Of course, we will sit and wait for a while for his turn in the surgical room. Then, five minutes of surgery will take around 2 hours. Then a wait for him to wake up and become coherent once again, before another hour when he can be wheeled to his room.
I am actually a bit anxious about this surgery. I want it over, and finished. Oh, my! Where did this come from? I surprised myself by actually writing those two sentences. I thought I was becoming a rock and here I find out that I am actually quite human. Well, good. I can be a bit worried and everything is okay.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Yesterday, that hour or two became three hours.
Today, I took Dennis to a new dentist. He finally figured out that I was serious when I told him I would not drive for 30 minutes just so he could see his old dentist in Lakeville. He is very wary of change, and has a low threshold for pain. He was comfortable with his dentist. I, on the other hand, see the value in keeping a specific doctor in your life, but find the world of dentistry a bit less personal in nature.
The point is, the new dentist is a bit like Kiefer - thorough and kind, but slow. Dennis loved him! I finished my book, read a People magazine (one of my guilty doctor's office pleasures), shopped at a pharmacy and stared at CNN for over 3 hours, once again.
Tomorrow surgery is slated for 10:30. Of course, we will sit and wait for a while for his turn in the surgical room. Then, five minutes of surgery will take around 2 hours. Then a wait for him to wake up and become coherent once again, before another hour when he can be wheeled to his room.
I am actually a bit anxious about this surgery. I want it over, and finished. Oh, my! Where did this come from? I surprised myself by actually writing those two sentences. I thought I was becoming a rock and here I find out that I am actually quite human. Well, good. I can be a bit worried and everything is okay.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Mother
Today it's off to Eau Claire to see Mother. I have found, what all of us kids think, is the perfect place for her to live in Minneapolis. I am hoping that she sees it the same way. I believe she will.
I am so glad that she has decided to move closer to us. I really don't enjoy driving 4 hours to spend 2 or 3 hours with anyone. I didn't like it when Dad was alive, either. He drove to the cities often, and without complaint. At least not out loud to me. I am not one who believes guilt is a good trait, but there were a few times that I felt bad about letting Dad drive here. Actually, "letting" is not a word that I should use when speaking about my father and his decisions. But, I didn't try very hard to talk him out of driving.
Rachel is spending Sunday with Dennis, so I do not have to worry about him, too. Dennis feels left out, but he also knows that he is an added piece of work, when he comes along. He loves Mother, and is also happy that she is moving up here.
Time to get on the road.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
I am so glad that she has decided to move closer to us. I really don't enjoy driving 4 hours to spend 2 or 3 hours with anyone. I didn't like it when Dad was alive, either. He drove to the cities often, and without complaint. At least not out loud to me. I am not one who believes guilt is a good trait, but there were a few times that I felt bad about letting Dad drive here. Actually, "letting" is not a word that I should use when speaking about my father and his decisions. But, I didn't try very hard to talk him out of driving.
Rachel is spending Sunday with Dennis, so I do not have to worry about him, too. Dennis feels left out, but he also knows that he is an added piece of work, when he comes along. He loves Mother, and is also happy that she is moving up here.
Time to get on the road.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Saturday, July 18, 2009
A Busy Week Ahead
We are up for a week of doctors, dentists and surgery. Dennis has an appointment with his family doctor on Monday and then a quick stop-off to pick up some drinkable stuff for his surgery on Wednesday. Tuesday, his teeth will be cleaned. Wednesday, the feeding tube will be placed into his stomach. An overnight stay at the hospital is required to monitor him. Thursday, he will come home, who knows when and Friday he will have day surgery for his catheter placement.
Oh, how much sleep he will need the next week.
For an odd assortment of reasons, the surgeries could not be on the same day. Because we do not know if he will have any insurance for a while, they also could not be delayed. Both surgeries will improve his quality of life so there seems to be no reason to delay.
I also will be moving Mother soon. The day we returned home, I called her. She is very anxious to move to the Twin City area. I think she is very lonely. She misses dad, and her kids are the next best thing. I only wish she understood that this is what is happening.
I am so very glad that my job gives me a long summer off. I am also so very happy that I have learned to take the summers off and make the most of them. Even with everything I need to accomplish this summer, I still have time left for a wonderful vacation, relaxing, painting and reading. Oh, and today Dennis and I enjoyed a great meal at a 4 Star restaurant. Life is good.
Oh, how much sleep he will need the next week.
For an odd assortment of reasons, the surgeries could not be on the same day. Because we do not know if he will have any insurance for a while, they also could not be delayed. Both surgeries will improve his quality of life so there seems to be no reason to delay.
I also will be moving Mother soon. The day we returned home, I called her. She is very anxious to move to the Twin City area. I think she is very lonely. She misses dad, and her kids are the next best thing. I only wish she understood that this is what is happening.
I am so very glad that my job gives me a long summer off. I am also so very happy that I have learned to take the summers off and make the most of them. Even with everything I need to accomplish this summer, I still have time left for a wonderful vacation, relaxing, painting and reading. Oh, and today Dennis and I enjoyed a great meal at a 4 Star restaurant. Life is good.
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