Last week I was at my doctors for my yearly appointment. We were talking about memory issues and it seems I have no problem. I guess if you forget daily chores, mindless activities, you are okay. It's when you forget the big stuff - like going to work - that you need to start worrying.
Have you ever felt like you were simply existing? Moving forward? Maintaining? I wish I could really put this into words, but these days I am simply happy if I accomplish whatever it is I need to do on any given day.
T0day, I was able to let 4 girls in 4th grade know that at "our school" we would not accept mean and bullying behavior.I gathered packing boxes for them and assured them that any continued misbehavior would result in moving to another school. I also put a 5 year old, with a vocabulary of a 40 year old, know that demeaning language and biting was simply out of line. Then I let another 4th grader know that if he did not do his homework each and every evening, I would put my foot down and move him to another school. Furthermore, I put a couple of teachers in place, helped make Hobboken Stew for a staff happiness fest (HA!). Then I met with a bus of hoodlums and put them in their place.
I feel good about today, and know that tomorrow may result in starting all over once again. I live day to day to day. Maybe this is the right way to live. I do not know. I only know that this is the way that life is leading me today.
I also know that life is fleeting and that we must live for today. So I shall. At least today - I will live for this one day.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
ps, mother is back at TCU, Dennis is in a happy place, and we have found new PCAs to lighten our life. Next step is getting qualified for Medical Assistance....more to come
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Monday, October 26, 2009
ER, again.
If I wasn't living this, I would be sure that I was a liar.
After over-sleeping because Dennis woke me up once again (for legit reasons, I guess), I was forced to rush around getting ready for work, and to meet a potentially new PCA. I got myself together just as she rang the bell. Whew! There was time to introduce her to Raquel, who had orders to show her all the icky stuff the job included, and then rush off to work.
Traffic was in my favor and I made it to work with minutes to spare. I logged on to the computer and gathered my papers together for a meeting. Then the phone rang. It was Jones Harrison and Mother was being transported to the hospital once again.
Didn't this just happen 10 days ago?
This time, I believe, Jones Harrison over reacted. They called what happened a "seizure". After 6 1/2 hours in ER, I finally found a neurologist who believed the same as I did. She probably fainted, because she is dehydrated and undernourished.
This being elderly shit sucks.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
After over-sleeping because Dennis woke me up once again (for legit reasons, I guess), I was forced to rush around getting ready for work, and to meet a potentially new PCA. I got myself together just as she rang the bell. Whew! There was time to introduce her to Raquel, who had orders to show her all the icky stuff the job included, and then rush off to work.
Traffic was in my favor and I made it to work with minutes to spare. I logged on to the computer and gathered my papers together for a meeting. Then the phone rang. It was Jones Harrison and Mother was being transported to the hospital once again.
Didn't this just happen 10 days ago?
This time, I believe, Jones Harrison over reacted. They called what happened a "seizure". After 6 1/2 hours in ER, I finally found a neurologist who believed the same as I did. She probably fainted, because she is dehydrated and undernourished.
This being elderly shit sucks.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Old
Thursday, sweet Thursday. It's the new Friday. But, I am not going out and "chilaxin'" at a bar with wings and music. I am just happy that I only have two responsibilities for one extra day. Oops, I forgot me. I only have three responsibilities on Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays these days; mom, Dennis and me.
I am happy that I have 3 days to spread out my responsibilities instead of the traditional two weekend days. I am happy that the alarm can be set forward an extra hour. I am happy that Dennis and I have a few extra hours to spend together.
But it never feels enough. I have been in denial for quite a while now, that I am officially old. Somewhere, along the line, my parents became elderly and that made me, in turn, old. Dennis is old, beyond his years, and that makes me feel older, still.
There is buzz all around that 60 is the new 40, and 50 is the new thirty. Shit, that ain't true. Maybe if you go under the knife a few times each year, you could look a bit younger, but sooner or later you just look like an old person with tight skin. Or maybe if you keep a young attitude, you could feel younger, but your parents are still going to die and make you feel old.
When we were young, we were in weddings and partied with friends. Now, we attend funerals, and spend time in hospitals and nursing homes.
Still, I have 3 days off and I can only afford that because I am old.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
I am happy that I have 3 days to spread out my responsibilities instead of the traditional two weekend days. I am happy that the alarm can be set forward an extra hour. I am happy that Dennis and I have a few extra hours to spend together.
But it never feels enough. I have been in denial for quite a while now, that I am officially old. Somewhere, along the line, my parents became elderly and that made me, in turn, old. Dennis is old, beyond his years, and that makes me feel older, still.
There is buzz all around that 60 is the new 40, and 50 is the new thirty. Shit, that ain't true. Maybe if you go under the knife a few times each year, you could look a bit younger, but sooner or later you just look like an old person with tight skin. Or maybe if you keep a young attitude, you could feel younger, but your parents are still going to die and make you feel old.
When we were young, we were in weddings and partied with friends. Now, we attend funerals, and spend time in hospitals and nursing homes.
Still, I have 3 days off and I can only afford that because I am old.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Sleeping
Dennis slept at the hospital two nights ago for a sleep study. The doctor never called us about the results, so I expect that all is okay with him. I slept alone in the bed, and while I slept through the night in peace, I missed my Danielito next to me.
Last night, Dennis slept most of the night on the floor. I woke to hear him grunting, trying to pull himself up from a half in and half out of bed position. We finally just pulled him the rest of the way down, when it was apparent that between the two of us, we did not have the strength to pull him back up. Then he was fatigued, and couldn't get on all fours, so I just made him a bed on the floor. I did not sleep in peace, but I still missed him sleeping with me.
Next time I complain about him waking me up (and I will), would someone kindly remind me that I do miss him when he is not around? I most likely will say something slightly sarcastic back, but I will hear you.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Last night, Dennis slept most of the night on the floor. I woke to hear him grunting, trying to pull himself up from a half in and half out of bed position. We finally just pulled him the rest of the way down, when it was apparent that between the two of us, we did not have the strength to pull him back up. Then he was fatigued, and couldn't get on all fours, so I just made him a bed on the floor. I did not sleep in peace, but I still missed him sleeping with me.
Next time I complain about him waking me up (and I will), would someone kindly remind me that I do miss him when he is not around? I most likely will say something slightly sarcastic back, but I will hear you.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Sunday, October 18, 2009
A Sunday in the Day of Me
Believe me when I say I am not whining her or complaining in any way what-so-ever. What I am doing is putting down a very matter of fact recall of my day. Sunday, the day of rest, by the way.
I woke up at 7:30, after an undisturbed night sleep. Thank you, Dennis, for listening to Celeste, our new therapist, and following her instructions. Dennis was staring at me when I rolled over with, "I didn't wake you up!" Oh, if we all could have so much pride in our accomplishments.
At 7:45, I got up for a stop in the bathroom, put water on for coffee and headed back to the bedroom. I propped up Dennis, who decided he wanted to sit in his wheel chair. I helped him stand, sit and then pushed him in the dining area, where a chair was removed for him. Nope, he wanted to sit at the other end of the table. So I moved another chair and pushed him in to the new spot.
Then I toasted him an English muffin, buttered and jellied it up. I poured a bowl of applesauce with cinnamon, his fave today, and fetched his morning meds. These, I placed in yogurt and fed to him slowly. I opened up a coke, put in a straw, and handed him his left over blueberry muffin from Saturday morning at Perkins. I fetched him the newspaper, a drool rag and a blanket for his legs.
Kitty was going crazy with the rubbing of my legs by now, so I fed her and cleaned her box. Then I made my coffee with heated cream, Gharedelli chocolate and cinnamon. I now demanded my fifteen minutes of carefree life. I stared at the walls, listened to acoustical radio and flipped through the comic section of the paper.
Then it was shower time for Dennis. I got the shower ready, clothes ready, and wash cloths with poopy butt soap, face soap and body soap. I gathered the shampoos, cleaners and rinsing hose around him and helped him into the shower. First it was a butt up cleaning then sitting down in the chair for him to do most of it on his own.
I turned on the baby monitor, and went to wash my face, comb my hair and get dressed. As soon as Dennis was out, I needed to get to the hospital to pick up Ma. After a few minutes Dennis was finished and it was wipe down, change leg bags, pull on diapers and slippers, and today, a simple robe.
Two feedings later, I ran to pick up clothing for mother from JH, moved some essentials from one apartment to another, and then headed to pick her up. Thankfully, the paper work was ready, and it was only 30 minutes at the hospital before we were headed out.
Her new room was ready, sort of. There always seems to be problems with remote controls where ever we go, and Mother does not like to be without her TV. I finally found a room for her to watch the football game. I was pretty adamant about them finding a remote before she returned to her room for dinner.
Then it was grocery shopping and a trip to Walgreen's for essentials for Dennis. Then hauling everything upstairs, unpacking and putting it all away before giving Dennis one more feeding. Now cleaning the cupboards, putting away the grocery bags, and pouring myself a glass of wine - at last.
Yes, dinner is still ahead, but Dennis should be full from all the tube feedings, and frankly a glass of wine sounds better than finding the right sauce for chicken, cooking pasta, and then finding out Dennis does not want to eat it, anyway.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
I woke up at 7:30, after an undisturbed night sleep. Thank you, Dennis, for listening to Celeste, our new therapist, and following her instructions. Dennis was staring at me when I rolled over with, "I didn't wake you up!" Oh, if we all could have so much pride in our accomplishments.
At 7:45, I got up for a stop in the bathroom, put water on for coffee and headed back to the bedroom. I propped up Dennis, who decided he wanted to sit in his wheel chair. I helped him stand, sit and then pushed him in the dining area, where a chair was removed for him. Nope, he wanted to sit at the other end of the table. So I moved another chair and pushed him in to the new spot.
Then I toasted him an English muffin, buttered and jellied it up. I poured a bowl of applesauce with cinnamon, his fave today, and fetched his morning meds. These, I placed in yogurt and fed to him slowly. I opened up a coke, put in a straw, and handed him his left over blueberry muffin from Saturday morning at Perkins. I fetched him the newspaper, a drool rag and a blanket for his legs.
Kitty was going crazy with the rubbing of my legs by now, so I fed her and cleaned her box. Then I made my coffee with heated cream, Gharedelli chocolate and cinnamon. I now demanded my fifteen minutes of carefree life. I stared at the walls, listened to acoustical radio and flipped through the comic section of the paper.
Then it was shower time for Dennis. I got the shower ready, clothes ready, and wash cloths with poopy butt soap, face soap and body soap. I gathered the shampoos, cleaners and rinsing hose around him and helped him into the shower. First it was a butt up cleaning then sitting down in the chair for him to do most of it on his own.
I turned on the baby monitor, and went to wash my face, comb my hair and get dressed. As soon as Dennis was out, I needed to get to the hospital to pick up Ma. After a few minutes Dennis was finished and it was wipe down, change leg bags, pull on diapers and slippers, and today, a simple robe.
Two feedings later, I ran to pick up clothing for mother from JH, moved some essentials from one apartment to another, and then headed to pick her up. Thankfully, the paper work was ready, and it was only 30 minutes at the hospital before we were headed out.
Her new room was ready, sort of. There always seems to be problems with remote controls where ever we go, and Mother does not like to be without her TV. I finally found a room for her to watch the football game. I was pretty adamant about them finding a remote before she returned to her room for dinner.
Then it was grocery shopping and a trip to Walgreen's for essentials for Dennis. Then hauling everything upstairs, unpacking and putting it all away before giving Dennis one more feeding. Now cleaning the cupboards, putting away the grocery bags, and pouring myself a glass of wine - at last.
Yes, dinner is still ahead, but Dennis should be full from all the tube feedings, and frankly a glass of wine sounds better than finding the right sauce for chicken, cooking pasta, and then finding out Dennis does not want to eat it, anyway.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Mother in the Hospital
The health fairies must be very, very angry. I am not sure who did what to whom to piss them off so much, but they have rained down on this household way too much.
Mother is in the hospital with a fractured pelvic bone.
My mother is known for being the anti-grace queen. She can fall while standing still. It's true, I have seen this happen. She has always tripped over the tiniest thing on the ground. She is almost like the princess and the pea, but she is the princess and the dust fleck on the ground. Jane and I both call our cats Avey, because they fall so often. Avey is a family euphemism for anything ungraceful.
Anyway, she was at the Ordway on one of the assisted living outings. She fell when walking back to the bus. At least she heard the music first.
I have been to the hospital and ER way too much this past year. I want it to stop. Please, health fairies - we will all get our flu shots, and will wash our hands often. Just leave us in peace for a little while.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Mother is in the hospital with a fractured pelvic bone.
My mother is known for being the anti-grace queen. She can fall while standing still. It's true, I have seen this happen. She has always tripped over the tiniest thing on the ground. She is almost like the princess and the pea, but she is the princess and the dust fleck on the ground. Jane and I both call our cats Avey, because they fall so often. Avey is a family euphemism for anything ungraceful.
Anyway, she was at the Ordway on one of the assisted living outings. She fell when walking back to the bus. At least she heard the music first.
I have been to the hospital and ER way too much this past year. I want it to stop. Please, health fairies - we will all get our flu shots, and will wash our hands often. Just leave us in peace for a little while.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Dennis the Menace
It's 2:38 am on a Thursday morning. Why am I awake?
No, I did not wake up and suddenly need to go to the bathroom. No, although I often do wake myself up snoring, that is not the case either. It, of course, is Dennis.
So what did he do this time?
He has been worried lately, about everything. He is sure that his feeding tube is plugged. He is positive that Raquel and I are plotting against him. He thinks that his catheter isn't draining properly. He isn't eating. He isn't getting out of bed. He isn't having any fun.
And he wants to make sure that I am miserable, too.
We talked when I came home from work, and I thought we had moved ahead, a bit. But then he woke me, at 2ish, to check his catheter. I, very unhappily, crawled out of bed (we keep the temp at 62 degrees, so it is COLD) and put together a set up for unclogging the tube. I inserted water, and then pulled out nice, clean and unclogged urine. No blood, no clots, no nothing but urine. Now he feels better and I am sitting here stewing.
No, he really doesn't want me to be miserable. too. But he is very high maintenance - not a quality that I admire.
We will get through this period. We always do. In the meantime, I have my computer, a free blog site and you, my dear readers (who said that?) to listen to me.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
No, I did not wake up and suddenly need to go to the bathroom. No, although I often do wake myself up snoring, that is not the case either. It, of course, is Dennis.
So what did he do this time?
He has been worried lately, about everything. He is sure that his feeding tube is plugged. He is positive that Raquel and I are plotting against him. He thinks that his catheter isn't draining properly. He isn't eating. He isn't getting out of bed. He isn't having any fun.
And he wants to make sure that I am miserable, too.
We talked when I came home from work, and I thought we had moved ahead, a bit. But then he woke me, at 2ish, to check his catheter. I, very unhappily, crawled out of bed (we keep the temp at 62 degrees, so it is COLD) and put together a set up for unclogging the tube. I inserted water, and then pulled out nice, clean and unclogged urine. No blood, no clots, no nothing but urine. Now he feels better and I am sitting here stewing.
No, he really doesn't want me to be miserable. too. But he is very high maintenance - not a quality that I admire.
We will get through this period. We always do. In the meantime, I have my computer, a free blog site and you, my dear readers (who said that?) to listen to me.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, October 9, 2009
Laws, Rules and Other Such Crap
We met with a county social worker today and I have so much to share. But, very little of it is good news, at least in our case.
If Dennis was still able to work, he would be eligible for lots of help. But he can't work, so he need not apply.
If Dennis was indigent, had never worked and was homeless, he would be eligible for help. But no, he had to be Mr. Responsible.
But, the social worker was good. She told us that all he needed to earn was $75/month, and it didn't have to be real work. We are both pretty honest people, though, and will look for a way for Dennis to get a paycheck each month while providing a genuine service.
The frustrating part is learning the rules of the game that we are playing. First you must know the right people so that those people can tell you the rules. Then you must find ways to work around those rules. Finally, if and when you have understood the rules, you must learn to accept that not all rules are really rules, but rather interpretations of rules.
I remember a sign I saw in Jamaica. "Marijuana is illegal. Cocaine is REALLY illegal!" You interpret anyway you wish.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
If Dennis was still able to work, he would be eligible for lots of help. But he can't work, so he need not apply.
If Dennis was indigent, had never worked and was homeless, he would be eligible for help. But no, he had to be Mr. Responsible.
But, the social worker was good. She told us that all he needed to earn was $75/month, and it didn't have to be real work. We are both pretty honest people, though, and will look for a way for Dennis to get a paycheck each month while providing a genuine service.
The frustrating part is learning the rules of the game that we are playing. First you must know the right people so that those people can tell you the rules. Then you must find ways to work around those rules. Finally, if and when you have understood the rules, you must learn to accept that not all rules are really rules, but rather interpretations of rules.
I remember a sign I saw in Jamaica. "Marijuana is illegal. Cocaine is REALLY illegal!" You interpret anyway you wish.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Monday, October 5, 2009
PCA Woes
Shit, shit, shit.
Somewhere out in the universe, I sent off vibes saying I did not want to go to work! It's not true, it's not true. I do want to go to work. I do, I do, I do.
Dennis' PCA called in sick today. Leah, the newest one, is prone to panic attacks. She had a tough weekend, and an attack kicked in sometime early this am. Raquel was out partying all weekend, and just hit the bed. JoAnn is testing this week. Which leaves me, at home, for the 9th day in a row.
And Dennis has diarrhea. Just how could life get any better?
Shit, shit, shit.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Somewhere out in the universe, I sent off vibes saying I did not want to go to work! It's not true, it's not true. I do want to go to work. I do, I do, I do.
Dennis' PCA called in sick today. Leah, the newest one, is prone to panic attacks. She had a tough weekend, and an attack kicked in sometime early this am. Raquel was out partying all weekend, and just hit the bed. JoAnn is testing this week. Which leaves me, at home, for the 9th day in a row.
And Dennis has diarrhea. Just how could life get any better?
Shit, shit, shit.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Sunday, October 4, 2009
The Walker
I have been planning on buying shoes for 3 weeks, but illness stood in the way of shoe happiness. Yesterday, Dennis and I ventured out to my favorite shoe store. We returned with 3 new pairs for me and a new TV for him. No, he did not buy the TV at the shoe store, but after finding the perfect black pair of heels, I just had to bring him to Best Buy.
Yes, shoes make me happy, but Dennis made me even happier yesterday, by using his walker.
There are a few reasons using the walker makes me smile. The first is purely selfish in nature. The walker weighs about 120 pounds less than the wheel chair. When he takes the wheel chair, I lift 300 pounds getting it in and out of the car, for each stop we make. If we make 3 stops, that adds up to 900 pounds, plus 300 pounds for the beginning and end of each trip out of the house. The walker, weighing in at 30 pounds, saves me 960 pounds of lifting! That is so close to 1/2 ton, that it makes me weary simply thinking about such weight.
The second reason is about Dennis, not me. It's simply good for him to walk as often as possible. When he takes his wheel chair, even when he uses it as a walker, he always can opt out of staying on his own two feet. When he walks, he feels more independent, he gets a good workout and he stretches out those leg muscles.
So, Saturday was a happy day for both of us. I found some great shoes, he bought a new TV for his games and we both came home feeling good about the day out on the town.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Yes, shoes make me happy, but Dennis made me even happier yesterday, by using his walker.
There are a few reasons using the walker makes me smile. The first is purely selfish in nature. The walker weighs about 120 pounds less than the wheel chair. When he takes the wheel chair, I lift 300 pounds getting it in and out of the car, for each stop we make. If we make 3 stops, that adds up to 900 pounds, plus 300 pounds for the beginning and end of each trip out of the house. The walker, weighing in at 30 pounds, saves me 960 pounds of lifting! That is so close to 1/2 ton, that it makes me weary simply thinking about such weight.
The second reason is about Dennis, not me. It's simply good for him to walk as often as possible. When he takes his wheel chair, even when he uses it as a walker, he always can opt out of staying on his own two feet. When he walks, he feels more independent, he gets a good workout and he stretches out those leg muscles.
So, Saturday was a happy day for both of us. I found some great shoes, he bought a new TV for his games and we both came home feeling good about the day out on the town.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, October 2, 2009
National Family Caregiver Association
ENCOURAGE ALL THE FAMILY CAREGIVERS YOU KNOW TO JOIN THE NFCA COMMUNITY OF CAREGIVERS. THERE IS NO COST! Just click here: http//www.thefamilycaregiver.
I just wanted to pass this along to everyone.
ER Episode 4 (or is it 5?)
I woke up this morning fever free! 3 cheers!
The household did not hold out long, however, before sickness struck again. At midnight, Dennis woke me up and wanted me to check his catheter. He thought it might be clogged. Since the night bag was dry, it was obvious he was clogged. We had two choices - wait until morning or go to ER. Dennis did not want to do either choice and we started a game of one-upping each other with words and thoughts I don't want to admit to online. I will only say that it wasn't pretty and that I hope we did not wake up the neighbors.
He has a bladder infection, again. It's easily treatable. And we should have seen this coming quite a long time ago. There definitely were signs.
A couple of weeks ago, during his last bout of diarrhea, his urine was almost black one morning. It was better the next day, so we forgot about it. He has been lethargic lately. The weather has changed, and I have been so sick, that we ignored that, too.
Then there was the nasty clot in his night bag that Raquel found this morning. I thought I had pulled the whole clot out of the tube and we planned on calling the urologist during the day. Only problem is, each of us thought the other was going to make the call.
We need to become better at handling situations such as this. The mean talk is uncalled for no matter what is happening. We need to watch for signs and act on them right away. Neither one of us have ever been people that run to a doctor for this, that and the other, but perhaps that needs to change.
Tomorrow, when the dust has settled, the prescription has been filled, and we have both had our 8 hours, we can talk. That's one thing about us that is great. We can always talk it out. And for that, I am extremely grateful.
The household did not hold out long, however, before sickness struck again. At midnight, Dennis woke me up and wanted me to check his catheter. He thought it might be clogged. Since the night bag was dry, it was obvious he was clogged. We had two choices - wait until morning or go to ER. Dennis did not want to do either choice and we started a game of one-upping each other with words and thoughts I don't want to admit to online. I will only say that it wasn't pretty and that I hope we did not wake up the neighbors.
He has a bladder infection, again. It's easily treatable. And we should have seen this coming quite a long time ago. There definitely were signs.
A couple of weeks ago, during his last bout of diarrhea, his urine was almost black one morning. It was better the next day, so we forgot about it. He has been lethargic lately. The weather has changed, and I have been so sick, that we ignored that, too.
Then there was the nasty clot in his night bag that Raquel found this morning. I thought I had pulled the whole clot out of the tube and we planned on calling the urologist during the day. Only problem is, each of us thought the other was going to make the call.
We need to become better at handling situations such as this. The mean talk is uncalled for no matter what is happening. We need to watch for signs and act on them right away. Neither one of us have ever been people that run to a doctor for this, that and the other, but perhaps that needs to change.
Tomorrow, when the dust has settled, the prescription has been filled, and we have both had our 8 hours, we can talk. That's one thing about us that is great. We can always talk it out. And for that, I am extremely grateful.
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