Life, As It Is

After two weeks of deep freeze, the weather has finally warmed up. 32 degrees, after wind chills below zero, do strange things to Minnesotans. We walk around without coats and enjoy ice cold puddles, simply because yesterday they were walking hazards. Usually warmer temps mean dreary skies, but for a few days this weekend we had warmth and sun.

Today it was cloudy all day, dry snow fell sporadically, and it was a typical, miserable January day. And when I came home, Dennis was down for the count. He was already in bed, and within and hour was asking for his night pills and "tuckage" (we have as much right to make up words as anyone else in this world). I obliged and then settled down in front of the TV and started wondering about what life was about.

I became tired, quickly.

What possible reason is there for anyone to suffer the way Dennis must suffer? Why should anyone wake up, screaming and screeching in the middle of the night because his disease doesn't want him to sleep comfortably? Why should he need to ask me, three, four or more times a night to lift his head from his pillow so that he does not suffocate? He can't eat much anymore, he is unintelligible and he can barely move from one spot to another.

I imagine I must accept the fact that life does not make sense. Neither does illness, death, or much else. I suppose the only thing that we can do is try to enjoy as much as possible while we are around. Dennis can do this and so can I. I know that each of you are able to do the same, also.

Perhaps the weather will be more cooperative tomorrow, and I shall see life differently.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis