An Insurance Related Phone Call

You are so lucky if you have never had to make one of these phone calls. Being put on hold is the least of the worries. Here is what I have learned, and maybe someday this information will help you. I hope you never need to do this.

• Dial the number and pray that automated questioning and answering is not the beginning of the sequence.
  
• Skip the above sentence, because you will never again hear an actual person answer a telephone when you call an insurance related company. Sorry to have even put the thought out there.
• As soon as you get a message, push zero. You probably will hear that this is not an appropriate response, but do it anyway. At some point, pushing zero, will get you set up with an actual person. Whether, or not, that person speaks your native language, or not, is a crap shoot.
• When you are required to talk to a phone system, talk slowly and clearly, enunciating every single letter and syllable. Do not, under any circumstances, get cocky and start answering the question before, or while it is being asked. You will only be sent back to Go. Trust me, oh smart alack Ann, I know.
• Push zero once again. At the very least, it may give you a sense of power over technology.
  
• When you do finally get transferred to a holding tank, find something else to occupy your mind for a while, but do not put down the telephone or remove the blue tooth. If you miss the pick-up on the other end, you will be cut off. You will need to start over one more time. By the way, by now they have taken up at least 30 minutes of your life.
• Someone will answer, most likely with a slight Indian accent. This is fine if all you need is the information that shows up on a computer screen. It is not okay if you have an actual question. If you need further assistance, ask to talk to a supervisor in the US. This is the last time that you will talk to someone friendly, by the way. So if it is at all possible to get your problem solved in India, go for it.
• Once you are speaking to someone in the US, always get the full name, the city and state and a call back number before you begin any business.
  
• Write down the following information and read it to the person who answers. I encourage you to to follow this step closely. After you have been asked to repeat these details for the 3rd or 4th time, you will either become frustrated and get snappy (my style) or get flabbergasted and get sloppy.

1. name
2. social security number
3. account number and group number
   
4. birth date
5. address, complete with zip

• If you are calling on someone else's behalf, be prepared to hand the phone to that person to repeat all of the "security measure" questions. Evidently, these phone call bank people can tell one person from another by simply answering these questions. Often I simply disguise my voice and repeat the above information. Sometimes they don't believe me, but usually, if I am being nice, they will let it go. If I am snippy, even one tiny iota, they will however refuse to talk with me.
  

That's enough for today. I have so much more, however, and am willing, able and ready to share it all with you, oh lucky readers.

Ann and Dennis