When you first make a commitment to writing everyday, you believe that something exciting or interesting will happen everyday. Something new, at least.
I am hear to tell you that history just continues to repeat itself over and over and over.
At least, for me, at the moment.
It is poop fest day. I doubt that Dennis would find any joy in this particular day. But I also assume it beats the alternative. For me, it simply means another day of standing by and waiting for him to call me. Call me to sit, to stand, to wipe, to shower, to clean up, to stop or to do whatever a person needs when they have lost control of the bodily functions that most of us take for granted.
I feel selfish so many days. I feel sorry for myself many days. I also know that I am doing the best that I can for both of us. Dennis also feels selfish and sorry for himself, some days. And he also knows that he is doing the best he can for both of us.
It may not be the relationship that either of us dreamed of, but it is a good relationship.
1 comment:
Ann..I am listening to Bob Dylan in my ears..and reading your last entry..both of you are coming from the inside..and I just want to say that I hear you..Ann..I hear you Dennis. I walked this road with my daughter, Susan. And now it´s Janice Joplyn..Cry Baby... and I am feeling sorry for myself because my knee is weak from pain and swelling due to arthritis. The pain and swelling is better..but my knee is weak. And I am realizing how ungrateful I was..and unaware..when I was younger and my body always did what I needed it to do. God, I never really gave it much thought then. Well, I do remember thanking it for allowing me to be able to urinate, when my daughter stopped doing this..near her death.
Anyway..Ann and Dennis..many many hugs..on your journey :) And now it´s "Whereever I Roam" by Metallica. The theme song of my life..
humlan/iva
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