We decided to hire someone to come in for Saturday mornings to help out with Dennis. Since I am now retired, in many ways these seems a bit indulgent.
There are, however, several reasons that make sense for having someone come in on one weekend morning.
Dennis' hours have been increased from 8 hours a day to 12 hours a day. In this economy, people need to earn any money they can. I felt it was more important to give someone else a few hours than get paid myself. We hired a 20-something gal named Natalie who works full time, but is getting married soon. Her boyfriend is working an extra job and she wanted to help contribute, too. If we can give her a few dollars a month to help her out, while we get our needs fulfilled, so much the better.
Now that the altruistic part of me has been stated, here are all the selfish reasons behind the new hire.
It is a very, very long time between Friday at 3PM and Monday at 8AM. I am completely locked in and must be with him and available for him for the entire time. When my old body has had enough, I tend to get crabby and smart mouthed with Dennis. This is not great for our relationship.
I hate morning duty with Dennis. There, I have said it and it's out there. With a Saturday gal here, I only have Sunday morning duties, and that I can handle with grace.
I want to keep our relationship less about care and more about loving. It's much easier to love Dennis when I haven't had to do all of the medical parts first.
How selfish do I sound?
Okay, there are those of you out there that will say I am simply taking care of myself, and that is okay. I know this. I also know that I am still his primary care-giver, being with him, alone, for at least 14 hours a day. I am the one whose sleep gets interrupted by his wild dreams and positioning needs. But it still feels a bit self-centered to me.
There goes my direct route to heaven down the toilet.
Or maybe not.
I am trying to do what is best for both of us. Dennis does need 1-1 care 24/7. I know that I cannot do this alone and maintain my own sanity. I also know that if I am not in great shape, I am no good to either one of us. This is important for both of us.
Am I trying to convince you, my readers, that I am doing the right thing or am I trying to convince myself? Hmmmmm.....food for thought.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
3 comments:
ann,
you have to take care of your self or you wont be able to give care to Dennis.
you are doing a good thing for you both.
hang in.
Ann,
You do not have to justify getting extra help with Dennis. It is absolutely the right thing to do. Self-preservation? Yes Selfish? No Love? Absolutely!!
You have to take care of yourself first and foremost. We women have been conditioned to take care of everyone else, first, and whatever is left over is ours. Taking care of yourself is not selfish at all. Everyone needs 'me time' every day to recharge, and caretakers need it more than most. So don't feel guilty.
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