Moose

We just returned from 3 nights on the North Shore of Lake Superior. We stayed in the small town of Grand Marias about 2 hours up the coastline. It was a beautiful drive. The town has suffered from our recession, and so many of the cute shops and restaurants were closed. One more sad reminder of how our economy has suffered.

One day we drove on the Gunflint Trail in hopes of sighting a moose. Dennis was in his babble, coughing and grunting mode for the entire two hour drive. Neither JoAnn or I could understand one word he was mumbling. Occasionally I would ask him what he was talking about, but it was not worth the effort to try and understand him. He was beyond participating in any real conversation.

I was driving very slow. One of the dirt roads we took had recently been graded. We felt like we were riding on top of a washboard. The second off road experience had not been graded, but instead was covered in rocks. There was no choice but to drive slow, enjoy the scenery and keep the eyes open for a moose.

We were just approaching a small body of water when Dennis said, "MOOSE!" Sure enough, there along the edge of the water was a large moose drinking water. The moose slowly took off when he heard the car and hid in the trees. We could see him hiding from us and we stayed for a while hoping he would return. The moose, however, took off for the woods after a few minutes and we drove on.

For the rest of the vacation we would tease Dennis with, "oooeeeeaaaa, uuuuaaaerrrrr, cough, cough, grunt, mmmmnnnnoooooouuuu, MOOSE!"

I am glad that he is such a good sport and laughed each and every day he teased.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

A Mini-Vacation

Dennis wanted to squeeze in another vacation before we left on our Alaskan cruise next month. So we are headed up to the North Shore of Minnesota for four days and three nights.

Our friend, JoAnne, is accompanying us on this trip. JoAnne is the gal that hosted my retirement party, worked with Dennis for a short period of time and has the garage that I am helping clean out. She also is the gal that helped so much with cleaning out mom and dad's place when we moved mom to Minneapolis last summer. She has been there for me so often that I don't want to begin counting how much I owe her. Thankfully, we both believe in the philosophy of "paying it forward."

So adios for a few days, and see you next weekend.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Hockey Pants

I mentioned a while back how much weight I have gained over the past three years. The good news is that I have not gained a pound since retiring, and perhaps even lost a pound or two. I think getting away from the stress of work, and I know that not eating school lunches has made a bit of difference already.

What does it really matter anyway. Where ever we go, Dennis gets all of the attention.  Rightfully so, I suppose.

Someone left a comment on a previous post asking about the hockey pants. They are actually one of the reasons that Dennis gets so much attention.

Whenever we walk, even if it is in the condo hallways, Dennis wears his helmet. If we walk outside, he also wears his hockey pants. They have great hip and rear end padding that protects him if he should fall. I know that you can buy padding that is made just for this purpose, but he had them around and they work. In fact, they probably work better because of the harder plastic padding. Sometimes he also wears his elbow and knee pads that are also left over from his hockey days. Believe me, no one is looking at me when we walk around the block.

There are many reasons Dennis garners all of the attention from others. Most of the time the attention is good. Some of the time, it is a bit harder to take. But even I will admit that I would stare at him long and hard I if saw him tottering down the road, a girl at his side holding him by his gait belt, dressed up in his gear. It is a sight to behold.

And yes, he often wears a matching jersey. Sigh....

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

New PCA

We decided to hire someone to come in for Saturday mornings to help out with Dennis. Since I am now retired, in many ways these seems a bit indulgent.

There are, however, several reasons that make sense for having someone come in on one weekend morning.

Dennis' hours have been increased from 8 hours a day to 12 hours a day. In this economy, people need to earn any money they can. I felt it was more important to give someone else a few hours than get paid myself. We hired a 20-something gal named Natalie who works full time, but is getting married soon. Her boyfriend is working an extra job and she wanted to help contribute, too. If we can give her a few dollars a month to help her out, while we get our needs fulfilled, so much the better.

Now that the altruistic part of me has been stated, here are all the selfish reasons behind the new hire.

It is a very, very long time between Friday at 3PM and Monday at 8AM. I am completely locked in and must be with him and available for him for the entire time. When my old body has had enough, I tend to get crabby and smart mouthed with Dennis. This is not great for our relationship.

I hate morning duty with Dennis. There, I have said it and it's out there. With a Saturday gal here, I only have Sunday morning duties, and that I can handle with grace.

I want to keep our relationship less about care and more about loving. It's much easier to love Dennis when I haven't had to do all of the medical parts first.

How selfish do I sound?

Okay, there are those of you out there that will say I am simply taking care of myself, and that is okay. I know this. I also know that I am still his primary care-giver, being with him, alone, for at least 14 hours a day. I am the one whose sleep gets interrupted by his wild dreams and positioning needs. But it still feels a bit self-centered to me.

There goes my direct route to heaven down the toilet.

Or maybe not.

I am trying to do what is best for both of us. Dennis does need 1-1 care 24/7. I know that I cannot do this alone and maintain my own sanity. I also know that if I am not in great shape, I am no good to either one of us. This is important for both of us.

Am I trying to convince you, my readers, that I am doing the right thing or am I trying to convince myself? Hmmmmm.....food for thought.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

A Little Nap

The new bed and mattress arrived yesterday. The delivery men assembled the bed in only a few minutes and picked up every trace of a recent delivery. I looked forward to a great night sleep last night.

Naturally, a sound sleep was not about to happen.

I slept soundly for a few hours when Dennis began to sink into his pillow. (Yes, he still sleeps with me and will not go into the medical bed). From then on it was "Aaaaa" Aaaaa" for the rest of the night.

Today Raquel and Dennis were off to the urologist for a catheter change and a trip to the Courage Center for a workout. I knew that I had enough time to watch my afternoon show, The Closer, and then I would go to bed for a nap. But the phone rang and it was an important call, so the nap got set back about 40 minutes.

I had just laid down in bed when Dennis and Raquel returned. Thursdays she leaves early, so she set him up and took off. For about 20 minutes, Dennis was quiet. Then the "Aaaaa" routine started once more. I yelled out that I was sleeping, but he kept right on with the calling. So I got up to see what was up. It was meds time.

After I gave him the meds he asked if he could come to bed with me. What could I say? Saying no was not a good choice, that would cause an argument and wake me up completely. Instead I said yes, but only if he promised to be quiet.

First he grunted. Then he asked for covers. Then he asked to be turned. Then he wanted his drool rag. Then he grunted and groaned loudly. Finally I asked him if he called this quiet and when he answered yes, I knew I had to give up on a nap.

I came to the living room and decided I might as well write a blog entry. In the background Dennis is giving me not so subtle reminders that he is still in bed and wide awake.

Grunt. Groan. Sigh. Sigh. Grunt. Groan. Grunt.

At least I got something done on this not so quiet day. I should also be tired enough to sleep through almost anything tonight.

One More Large Delivery

Today the new bed is arriving.

This is the bed that is replacing the bed that Raquel and I broke while it was in transit from one bedroom to the other. I am really looking forward to getting up off the floor and back into a bed that sits at a reasonable height.

In the meantime, the lift arrived and is sitting at the foot of the medical bed. Actually it's more of a looming over the bed - it's huge, awkward and ugly. It is not something that Martha Stewart would approve of in a bedroom design. Perhaps I should knit a cover for it?

I believe that we must have everything that a disabled person would want by now. We have all the smaller durable equipment - oxy-meter, blood pressure machine, a saliva suction machine, feeding pump, Dynavox - as well as the larger items - walker, manual and electric chair, lift chair, bed, lift, bed table - and all the repurposed items - helmet, gait belts, hockey pants and baby monitors.

I hope that after today we will not need any more deliveries to this address for quite a while. At least not for huge items that require us to get rid of something old to make room for the new.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Being Ann

My parents both had complicated names. My mother's was Avyril Maxine Peterson, and my father's was Robert Steinsland Osterhus. Actually, my mother got the worst of the deals after she and dad got married. This is probably unnecessary to say, but that is how the three of us kids ended up with one syllable first names; Paul, Ann, Jane.

Like most names, people have taken advantage of even 'Ann' as a way to tease, delight or be a bit rude. I don't suppose any name is immune to being twisted and turned into something different.

But the only thing that ever bothered me was when someone was saying "and" and I would hear "Ann." Mostly this happened at school. The teacher would be lecturing and saying something dull and useless, and then he would say "and.........?". Hearing "Ann.....?", I would answer, "Yes?", and everyone would stare at me. Oops, caught day-dreaming again.

Sometimes my siblings would also take advantage of 'Ann' and 'and'. There was always a bit of delight when a Christmas gift tag said "Paul And Jane". Ha. Ha. Ha.

Now I am facing another way the name Ann is giving me something else to dismay me.

Dennis' grunts are becoming more and more easily mixed up with my name.

As Dennis' speech deteriorates, many words are becoming simply vowels. For a long while my name was "Annnnnnnnnnnnn...Annnnnnnnnnnnn...Annnnnnnnnn", but now it is simply "aaaaa..aaaaaaaaa..aaaaaaaaaa." This is not easily distinguished from "Ehhhhh...ehhhh...ehhh" or "Uuuuuuu...uuuu...uuuuu".

So I find myself getting up and checking on him even more often that he actually does call me. Last night I was up twice only to figure out that he was just grunting in his sleep. This afternoon, I checked on a grunt more often than I checked on his "Ann".

And that's what life is like being Ann.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Medical Bed

Dennis' medical bed is coming tomorrow. Unfortunately, it will not fit into our existing bedroom. And Dennis does not want his bed in one room and my bed in another. This meant that we needed to switch up the two bedrooms in our condo. His office would become our bedroom, and our bedroom would become his office.

Raquel and I spent Monday moving furniture, electronics, books and all of Dennis' other collections out of his office and into the living room. Then we moved the bedroom furniture into the office. I should say we tried to move the bed frame, but it broke apart as we were moving it. It was from IKEA and had already been through one disassemble and reassemble, and it didn't feel like doing it again.

So I need a new bed, too.

And a new body.

We had to carry the frame down two floors to the garbage area. That took four trips of carrying pieces of pressed board and metal down the hall, to the elevator and then across the garage to the dumping area. We filled up the dumpster and started piling up the rest of the bed next to the dumpster.

Then the dresser decided it had been through enough, too, and fell apart. Again, we hauled and tossed furniture that was being very uncooperative.

Of course, no one could be without the Internet, so I hooked up the computer in the new office as Raquel hooked up the TV in the new bedroom. It was quitting time - I was on the verge of crying for the first time since I retired last month.

But I couldn't relax. There was stuff piled up all around me in the living room. The new bedroom had a mattress on the floor and felt ugly. It was too hot and humid to sit on the deck for very long. I needed my tranquility back again. It wasn't going to come Monday, or Tuesday either, I found out.

Monday night Dennis talked in his sleep all night. Tuesday he started to "boss" me around. I left the house for some shopping therapy before I took one of those cords from one of the electronic devices and wrapped it around his neck and tugged hard.

A couple of hours later I felt better, but there would be no more moving on Tuesday.

Today is Wednesday, and Raquel is finishing up the office. We are all rested and feel much better. Tomorrow the medical bed will arrive, and we will see what needs to happen next in the bedroom. That will not be until next week however. I have enough bruises for this week, thank you very much.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

Happy 4th of July!

We spent our weekend being incredibly lazy. Saturday we did nothing. Well, that's not 100% true. I did manage to grab some Q-tips and clean out the crud in the sliding glass dorrs to our deck. That took about 15 minutes, and then I was done. Dennis did less than that.

Today, we headed to a newly designed downtown destination in our local village. There were no shops we wanted to visit, movies we had to see, so we ended up having a drink and calamari at one of the restaurants and headed back home. That was how we celebrated the 4th this year.

Home Alone

Dennis and I moved into our condo just over two years ago. During those two years, I have had very little time to enjoy being home just doing nothing. Nine and a half months of both years I have been working 9 or 10 hours a day, then coming home to take care of Dennis. Each summer we have left Minneapolis to travel. Last summer the balance of summer was taken up with visiting Mother, packing up her belongings, moving her to Minneapolis and selling her house.

I noticed this morning that I simply wanted to stay home today and enjoy being in my home.

Then Dennis asked me to go to a movie.

I told him that there wasn't a movie out there I was interested in one tiny bit. I was attempting to think up another excuse when he asked if it was okay if he and Raquel went to a movie after his workout.

YES!!!!!!!

The only thing that I could want today, other than staying home, is to be home alone.

Happy birthday Dennis (62 yesterday) and Raquel (25 today). What a great birthday present you have given to me for your birthdays.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

G/J Tube Problems, Again

Once again, the "J" portion of Dennis' tube is clogged. It is just too narrow for the thick, sticky food that we are suppose to use. This time, when I tried to unclog the tube, a balloon formed. It was fun to watch, but not as much fun to try and fix.

So, today we are back at the hospital once again. The staff will assess the problem and either put a new one, the same style, back in or give him a separate tube for the gastric another for the jujunal. I imagine that Dennis is hoping for the first because it is an easier change. I am hoping for the second, but this will mean one more hole in Dennis' abdomen. It will also be a bigger surgery, and more recovery time.

I guess all we can do is wait and see. Perhaps the nutritionist will be able to figure out another alternative.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis