It was a rotten week at work on so many levels. I even came home crying (actually sobbing) one evening. It didn't help that the boss said a resounding "NO" to the job share idea.
Dennis was a doll about the whole matter, and tried hard not to ask for much from me. He also let me know that he would support any choice that I made regarding working next year. He would be a very happy camper if I decided to retire.
I am leaning, very strongly, toward retirement. (If you work with me, please do not ask me about this - I will make an announcement when I have made my decision).
I do have an appointment with TRA - Teacher's Retirement Association - to see how much income I would have if I retired at the end of June. After that, I need to meet with our Human Resources to see how many of my sick days could be converted into dollars for insurance. I know that it will most likely be a break even situation - I probably will make just enough money to cover my insurance and co-pays.
Fiscally, I suppose it isn't a very sound decision to retire. Emotionally, however, it seems to be the best idea that I have had in years.
If I do retire, I will take sometime to just be with Dennis and myself. Then I will begin one more career - what that will be, I don't know. But my bliss will find me. It always does.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Saturday, February 27, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Mini-Vacation Completed
I am back at work, and feeling a bit more replenished. I did manage to get a cold or the flu while I was out, so I was forced to stay in bed for 3 days. Believe it or not, I think that did as much for me as everything else. I am feeling better.
Dennis went to the Struther's Clinic's OT department yesterday for his second try with an electric wheel chair. I guess he tore the towel holder off of the bathroom wall when his wheel chair got away from him. Obviously this chair will not work.
But he is not giving up. He has an appointment next week with a company that sells other models of chairs. He is hoping he can find one that he can manage to control. More to come....
Until Later,
Ann and Dennis
Dennis went to the Struther's Clinic's OT department yesterday for his second try with an electric wheel chair. I guess he tore the towel holder off of the bathroom wall when his wheel chair got away from him. Obviously this chair will not work.
But he is not giving up. He has an appointment next week with a company that sells other models of chairs. He is hoping he can find one that he can manage to control. More to come....
Until Later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, February 19, 2010
An MSA Death
Another memorial service today. I will, however, only attend the visitation, as I have never met the man who died. I only know his wife through a couple of phone calls and emails.
But, he had MSA, and died from complications of the disease.
Janet found me through my website and asked around at the Parkinson's clinic if anyone knew me. In January, we both gave Joan and Marjorie permission to share our information, and Janet and I talked a little while later. We chatted about life as a care-giver, the uniqueness of MSA, and where we all were headed in the future.
Then, when Dennis checked out the communication device, we were told that Patrick, Janet's husband, was receiving one too. Patrick and Dennis also were in for fittings for electric wheel chairs about the same time. We seemed destined to meet.
In my mind, although it never came out of my mouth, we would get together as couples after both guys had received the new Dynavox that was being built for each of them. I thought about how nice it might be for both guys to "chat" comfortably, and hopefully share quite a few laughs. Sadly, it is now too late.
Tonight, please, hold Patrick and Janet in your hearts. In fact, let's all hold each other in our hearts.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
But, he had MSA, and died from complications of the disease.
Janet found me through my website and asked around at the Parkinson's clinic if anyone knew me. In January, we both gave Joan and Marjorie permission to share our information, and Janet and I talked a little while later. We chatted about life as a care-giver, the uniqueness of MSA, and where we all were headed in the future.
Then, when Dennis checked out the communication device, we were told that Patrick, Janet's husband, was receiving one too. Patrick and Dennis also were in for fittings for electric wheel chairs about the same time. We seemed destined to meet.
In my mind, although it never came out of my mouth, we would get together as couples after both guys had received the new Dynavox that was being built for each of them. I thought about how nice it might be for both guys to "chat" comfortably, and hopefully share quite a few laughs. Sadly, it is now too late.
Tonight, please, hold Patrick and Janet in your hearts. In fact, let's all hold each other in our hearts.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, February 12, 2010
Ann, Replenishing
My third day off for replenishing Ann, so she can work and play once again without crying or yelling.
I have made a list, and checked off many items on that list, of little things that need to get done. You know the stuff - getting tax papers in order, calling and making appointments (retirement, psychiatrist, etc) that bog a person down.
Yesterday I saw a psychiatrist for a medication check. We switched up the anti-depressant to a stronger type, with fewer side effects. I also had an opportunity to speak out and share my frustrations.
Today I got my hair colored to a lower maintenance color. I was blond and am now caramel with blond streaks. I feel renewed.
I shared an analogy with Dennis and Raquel this morning that I often use with teachers. I consider mental health like a money in a bank. You must put money in (or positive feelings) before you can take money out (like asking for something from someone or getting mad at someone). Then I took two small bowls and filled them with some spare change. I told Dennis that I could go back to work when the "bank bowl" was filled with the change. I put a coin in for my haircut and another in or a thank-you from Dennis.
So far, I feel a bit more relaxed, but still highly on edge. Hopefully another week of the stress of work off of my back will provide enough time to refill the bank.
I have made a list, and checked off many items on that list, of little things that need to get done. You know the stuff - getting tax papers in order, calling and making appointments (retirement, psychiatrist, etc) that bog a person down.
Yesterday I saw a psychiatrist for a medication check. We switched up the anti-depressant to a stronger type, with fewer side effects. I also had an opportunity to speak out and share my frustrations.
Today I got my hair colored to a lower maintenance color. I was blond and am now caramel with blond streaks. I feel renewed.
I shared an analogy with Dennis and Raquel this morning that I often use with teachers. I consider mental health like a money in a bank. You must put money in (or positive feelings) before you can take money out (like asking for something from someone or getting mad at someone). Then I took two small bowls and filled them with some spare change. I told Dennis that I could go back to work when the "bank bowl" was filled with the change. I put a coin in for my haircut and another in or a thank-you from Dennis.
So far, I feel a bit more relaxed, but still highly on edge. Hopefully another week of the stress of work off of my back will provide enough time to refill the bank.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Depleted
The other day someone asked, what super power would you want, if you could have one? My immediate answer was to have unending emotional strength. Unfortunately, I am human, and have no super powers. But I do have the ability to recognize when I am depleted.
And right now, I am depleted. I have decided to take the rest of this week off, and probably next week, too. I need to replenish myself, take care of my emotional and physical needs, and let go of stress.
I have a plan. I made my list this morning and have already made an appointment with a doctor. I made a list of everything that I have put off in the past month. I will check off each of these and then write some short term and long term goals to keep emotionally and physically healthily. I have put myself on the back burner for too long now.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
And right now, I am depleted. I have decided to take the rest of this week off, and probably next week, too. I need to replenish myself, take care of my emotional and physical needs, and let go of stress.
I have a plan. I made my list this morning and have already made an appointment with a doctor. I made a list of everything that I have put off in the past month. I will check off each of these and then write some short term and long term goals to keep emotionally and physically healthily. I have put myself on the back burner for too long now.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Monday, February 8, 2010
My Story
Today, I was featured in a Boomer Women's Blog. www.NABBW.com. Here is my story:
Using one paragraph, tell us a bit about yourself?
I am a 57 year old woman, living in a long-term committed relationship. I was a late blooming boomer, and while I dabbled in education after high school, I only received my teaching degree after the age of 35. I have worked in various educational settings for the past 20 years. I live in Minneapolis, and love the feeling of an urban setting, yet still maintaining a relatively small town feeling. I believe in happiness, first and foremost. I believe that in every minute of life, you are able to find something to celebrate, if you choose to try.
Tell us about your family; married, divorced, children, grands, boomerangs or parents living with you, etc.
I am childless, by choice. I feel lucky to have been born in an era where I could decide to live in an “abnormal” fashion; childless and unmarried. My partner and I have been together for 10 loving years. While I have been in committed relationships before, I never experienced such love until I met Dennis. Three years after we met, he was diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy, a disease which causes all of his autonomic (automated) systems (swallowing, toileting, moving…) to shut down. I am his primary care-giver, but we hire personal care attendants to be with him while I work.
Last spring my father died suddenly and unexpectedly, and my mother, who has Alzhiemer’s Disease, needed to move into an assisted living home near me. As a family, we had discussed, over the years, the possibilities for my parents, should they need more care. Both of my parents were determined they would never live with any of their children, wanting to maintain independence for as long as possible. I am grateful for this, making the decision to move mother 100 miles from her home town into a new apartment. A few months after she moved to be near me, my mother also passed away, suddenly. I am happy that both of my parents died quickly and easily, but I miss them so much.
I also “adopted” a grandson two years ago. Two virtual girlfriends of mine had a son with no grandmother. I offered, and was granted my wish, and I became a grandmother. What I hadn’t expected, but loved, was that I also adopted two daughters at the same time. Two years ago, I met one of my adopted daughters, and last summer, Dennis and I met the other daughter and our grandson. It was a slice of heaven, it truly was.
What is your favorite childhood memory that is reminiscent of growing up in the 50s, 60s or 70s?
As a child, I loved riding my bike. It felt like true freedom. All summer, my best friend and I would pack a picnic, and take off for the day. We didn’t wear knee pads, or helmets, and even do dare devil tricks, and we lived through it with only a few bumps and scrapes. Of course, there were fewer cars on the road when I was a kid.
What qualities do you have that speak of our generation of women?
I am fiercely independent. I believe many of us boomer women have paved the way for future generations to aspire younger women’s independence. I continue to work at educating myself, not only through traditional ways, but in non-traditional ways, too. I am open-minded and accept differences in other’s beliefs.
What inspires you?
A belief that life is wonderful and full of joy.
Do you have any interesting hobbies?
I enjoy traveling, painting, writing and reading.
Do you have a favorite book or movie? If so, tell us why it’s your favorite.
The book I will never forget is Sophie’s Choice. It was the first book I remember reading where I was moved by the author’s use of the English language. That book ruined me; I forever will seek the author that moves me with writing skills as much as the ability to write a good story.
Do you travel and if so, who are your favorite travel partners and where do you like to go?
By the time I was 35, I had been to all of the United States, except Alaska and Hawaii. My parents took the three kids on an extended vacation every other year. As a family we covered all of the states from South Dakota, across to Washington DC and up to Maine. After high school, I headed west and then south. I traveled alone, and would pick up waitressing or bartending jobs when I needed work. Then when I hit the age of 40, I was finally making enough money so I could travel out of the country. I picked up my passport and went wild.
My first European trip was to London, by myself, I might add. I thought my first foreign country should be an English speaking country. I was amazed, when I checked into my hotel that no one spoke a word of English.
Now Dennis is my travel partner. We have been to China, Spain, Paris, London, Ireland, Vienna, Ecuador, most of Mexico, and I finally made it to Alaska and Hawaii with Dennis. He is the perfect travel companion – he loves to explore, meet new people and try new food, just like me.
What do you stress about?
I do worry about money and the ability to retire in a fashion I have become used to over the years. But I still believe in live for today, because it’s what we have at the moment.
I also stress about my partner. His disease is incurable, and he will only continue to decline. I try to take good care of him and watch out for him.
Is it important for you to retain your youthful looks, and if so, to what degree are you willing to go?
I try to look good, but wouldn’t go under the knife. It’s just not that important to me.
Have you re-invented yourself, and if so, how?
Several times, actually. I am in my 4th career, and am hoping to find time to build my life coaching practice. I am in the very beginning stages of writing my first book and I am looking at hiring a mentor to help me with my painting.
Do you plan to retire?
I look forward to the day that I can leave education. I love my job, but it is a young person’s job. I will stay until I no longer feel effective. I don’t know if the word “retire” is applicable to anyone, anymore. I will move in a different direction, and maybe not need to work for money, but I don’t intend to slow down until my body says it is absolutely necessary.
Are you doing anything to GO Green?
My father was the first guy in the Midwest with a solar panel for hot water. As a family, we were green long before it became the “In” thing.
Do you engage in any faith based practices?
Not really. I believe we give energy to the universe. Energy can be positive or negative or somewhere in between. I believe what you put out in energy is healing or harmful to yourself and others. I believe in goodness, love and kindness. Sounds a bit corny and new age, doesn’t it. But it works for me, and I feel blessed by the universe.
Can you pinpoint major turning points in your life that led to your life’s work/play at midlife?
I left a relationship in my mid thirties that was hurtful and harmful. This decision gave me the freedom to live my life more fully. It was the best decision that I have ever made in my life.
Do you still have unfulfilled dreams, and are you doing anything to accomplish them?
Yes! I have many places to visit and explore. I have always wanted to be satisfied with my art work. I have dreamed of writing a book since I was a child. Tomorrow, I may come up with another dream. Yes, I do work at making dreams come true, but I would also be happy if some of my dreams remained unfulfilled. After all, they are dreams.
How do you make a difference in the lives of others, your community, your world?
At the moment, I am concentrating on my partner. I give him as much of myself as I am able, without compromising my own life.
Who has had the biggest influence on your life and why?
Any and all of my girlfriends, virtual and in person, add so much to my life. I love being surrounded by women. We all have so much wisdom, we are all so special. I have learned from each woman I have been in contact with – and I have incorporated these lessons into my own life.
If you were to have a personal mission statement, what would it be? Feel free to be as serious or fun as you choose.
Live fully, laugh heartily, love generously.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Using one paragraph, tell us a bit about yourself?
I am a 57 year old woman, living in a long-term committed relationship. I was a late blooming boomer, and while I dabbled in education after high school, I only received my teaching degree after the age of 35. I have worked in various educational settings for the past 20 years. I live in Minneapolis, and love the feeling of an urban setting, yet still maintaining a relatively small town feeling. I believe in happiness, first and foremost. I believe that in every minute of life, you are able to find something to celebrate, if you choose to try.
Tell us about your family; married, divorced, children, grands, boomerangs or parents living with you, etc.
I am childless, by choice. I feel lucky to have been born in an era where I could decide to live in an “abnormal” fashion; childless and unmarried. My partner and I have been together for 10 loving years. While I have been in committed relationships before, I never experienced such love until I met Dennis. Three years after we met, he was diagnosed with Multiple System Atrophy, a disease which causes all of his autonomic (automated) systems (swallowing, toileting, moving…) to shut down. I am his primary care-giver, but we hire personal care attendants to be with him while I work.
Last spring my father died suddenly and unexpectedly, and my mother, who has Alzhiemer’s Disease, needed to move into an assisted living home near me. As a family, we had discussed, over the years, the possibilities for my parents, should they need more care. Both of my parents were determined they would never live with any of their children, wanting to maintain independence for as long as possible. I am grateful for this, making the decision to move mother 100 miles from her home town into a new apartment. A few months after she moved to be near me, my mother also passed away, suddenly. I am happy that both of my parents died quickly and easily, but I miss them so much.
I also “adopted” a grandson two years ago. Two virtual girlfriends of mine had a son with no grandmother. I offered, and was granted my wish, and I became a grandmother. What I hadn’t expected, but loved, was that I also adopted two daughters at the same time. Two years ago, I met one of my adopted daughters, and last summer, Dennis and I met the other daughter and our grandson. It was a slice of heaven, it truly was.
What is your favorite childhood memory that is reminiscent of growing up in the 50s, 60s or 70s?
As a child, I loved riding my bike. It felt like true freedom. All summer, my best friend and I would pack a picnic, and take off for the day. We didn’t wear knee pads, or helmets, and even do dare devil tricks, and we lived through it with only a few bumps and scrapes. Of course, there were fewer cars on the road when I was a kid.
What qualities do you have that speak of our generation of women?
I am fiercely independent. I believe many of us boomer women have paved the way for future generations to aspire younger women’s independence. I continue to work at educating myself, not only through traditional ways, but in non-traditional ways, too. I am open-minded and accept differences in other’s beliefs.
What inspires you?
A belief that life is wonderful and full of joy.
Do you have any interesting hobbies?
I enjoy traveling, painting, writing and reading.
Do you have a favorite book or movie? If so, tell us why it’s your favorite.
The book I will never forget is Sophie’s Choice. It was the first book I remember reading where I was moved by the author’s use of the English language. That book ruined me; I forever will seek the author that moves me with writing skills as much as the ability to write a good story.
Do you travel and if so, who are your favorite travel partners and where do you like to go?
By the time I was 35, I had been to all of the United States, except Alaska and Hawaii. My parents took the three kids on an extended vacation every other year. As a family we covered all of the states from South Dakota, across to Washington DC and up to Maine. After high school, I headed west and then south. I traveled alone, and would pick up waitressing or bartending jobs when I needed work. Then when I hit the age of 40, I was finally making enough money so I could travel out of the country. I picked up my passport and went wild.
My first European trip was to London, by myself, I might add. I thought my first foreign country should be an English speaking country. I was amazed, when I checked into my hotel that no one spoke a word of English.
Now Dennis is my travel partner. We have been to China, Spain, Paris, London, Ireland, Vienna, Ecuador, most of Mexico, and I finally made it to Alaska and Hawaii with Dennis. He is the perfect travel companion – he loves to explore, meet new people and try new food, just like me.
What do you stress about?
I do worry about money and the ability to retire in a fashion I have become used to over the years. But I still believe in live for today, because it’s what we have at the moment.
I also stress about my partner. His disease is incurable, and he will only continue to decline. I try to take good care of him and watch out for him.
Is it important for you to retain your youthful looks, and if so, to what degree are you willing to go?
I try to look good, but wouldn’t go under the knife. It’s just not that important to me.
Have you re-invented yourself, and if so, how?
Several times, actually. I am in my 4th career, and am hoping to find time to build my life coaching practice. I am in the very beginning stages of writing my first book and I am looking at hiring a mentor to help me with my painting.
Do you plan to retire?
I look forward to the day that I can leave education. I love my job, but it is a young person’s job. I will stay until I no longer feel effective. I don’t know if the word “retire” is applicable to anyone, anymore. I will move in a different direction, and maybe not need to work for money, but I don’t intend to slow down until my body says it is absolutely necessary.
Are you doing anything to GO Green?
My father was the first guy in the Midwest with a solar panel for hot water. As a family, we were green long before it became the “In” thing.
Do you engage in any faith based practices?
Not really. I believe we give energy to the universe. Energy can be positive or negative or somewhere in between. I believe what you put out in energy is healing or harmful to yourself and others. I believe in goodness, love and kindness. Sounds a bit corny and new age, doesn’t it. But it works for me, and I feel blessed by the universe.
Can you pinpoint major turning points in your life that led to your life’s work/play at midlife?
I left a relationship in my mid thirties that was hurtful and harmful. This decision gave me the freedom to live my life more fully. It was the best decision that I have ever made in my life.
Do you still have unfulfilled dreams, and are you doing anything to accomplish them?
Yes! I have many places to visit and explore. I have always wanted to be satisfied with my art work. I have dreamed of writing a book since I was a child. Tomorrow, I may come up with another dream. Yes, I do work at making dreams come true, but I would also be happy if some of my dreams remained unfulfilled. After all, they are dreams.
How do you make a difference in the lives of others, your community, your world?
At the moment, I am concentrating on my partner. I give him as much of myself as I am able, without compromising my own life.
Who has had the biggest influence on your life and why?
Any and all of my girlfriends, virtual and in person, add so much to my life. I love being surrounded by women. We all have so much wisdom, we are all so special. I have learned from each woman I have been in contact with – and I have incorporated these lessons into my own life.
If you were to have a personal mission statement, what would it be? Feel free to be as serious or fun as you choose.
Live fully, laugh heartily, love generously.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Saying "NO" to Dennis
First, do any of you bloggers know how to get those ads off the top of my post? I have tried everything I can think of, so if you know, please share.
Now, for the business at hand.
A few days ago, I received a frantic phone call from Raquel. She was crying and blubbering about Dennis telling her she was fired. He had also told her he wanted to get out of the car and walk home. I asked to talk with Dennis and when she handed him the phone he said, "No!" Okay, I can understand his saying no. I have done that myself recently with parents that don't want to hear that their children are misbehaving. He knew he did not want to hear what was about to be said.
He did pick up the phone, and he was obviously upset. He was yelling that Raquel was making decisions that she had no right to make! She refused to take him to Micro Center! She had no right to say NO!
By now everyone in the school office was listening in. I left, with several people saying they were happy that they weren't Dennis right now. I must have had on my mean face; the look that says "don't mess with me, I mean business and this silliness will stop right now!" Or, perhaps, they were just embarrassed to have overheard this particular private conversation.
The roads were horrid - it was raining, snowing and blowing. As I drove home I had plenty of time to put together my plan. I would do a mediation. I would listen to both sides and then facilitate a forgiving love-fest between Dennis and Raquel. All would be well once again. Please..............
I knew the problem way before I heard the stories. Dennis does not like being told that he can not do something he wants to do. He has been the boss, he is a man and he is incredibly stubborn. Raquel, on the other hand, did not feel safe about taking him to Micro Center. The parking lot is horrid on the best of days, and she was afraid he would fall. He had also been to the Courage Center for a work out and he was tired.
Raquel and Dennis have spent more time together that Dennis and I have over the past two years. They have had a few tiffs before, but this was a rockin' all out fight. Dennis and I have had many rows in that same amount of time. This was long overdue.
All is well, that ends well. After a few minutes, Dennis and Raquel shared their stories, made up and admitted they adored each other.
I am still letting out a sigh of relief. I really did not want to replace Raquel. I, too, would miss her.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Now, for the business at hand.
A few days ago, I received a frantic phone call from Raquel. She was crying and blubbering about Dennis telling her she was fired. He had also told her he wanted to get out of the car and walk home. I asked to talk with Dennis and when she handed him the phone he said, "No!" Okay, I can understand his saying no. I have done that myself recently with parents that don't want to hear that their children are misbehaving. He knew he did not want to hear what was about to be said.
He did pick up the phone, and he was obviously upset. He was yelling that Raquel was making decisions that she had no right to make! She refused to take him to Micro Center! She had no right to say NO!
By now everyone in the school office was listening in. I left, with several people saying they were happy that they weren't Dennis right now. I must have had on my mean face; the look that says "don't mess with me, I mean business and this silliness will stop right now!" Or, perhaps, they were just embarrassed to have overheard this particular private conversation.
The roads were horrid - it was raining, snowing and blowing. As I drove home I had plenty of time to put together my plan. I would do a mediation. I would listen to both sides and then facilitate a forgiving love-fest between Dennis and Raquel. All would be well once again. Please..............
I knew the problem way before I heard the stories. Dennis does not like being told that he can not do something he wants to do. He has been the boss, he is a man and he is incredibly stubborn. Raquel, on the other hand, did not feel safe about taking him to Micro Center. The parking lot is horrid on the best of days, and she was afraid he would fall. He had also been to the Courage Center for a work out and he was tired.
Raquel and Dennis have spent more time together that Dennis and I have over the past two years. They have had a few tiffs before, but this was a rockin' all out fight. Dennis and I have had many rows in that same amount of time. This was long overdue.
All is well, that ends well. After a few minutes, Dennis and Raquel shared their stories, made up and admitted they adored each other.
I am still letting out a sigh of relief. I really did not want to replace Raquel. I, too, would miss her.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
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