I haven't had the energy to write, or even think, for a week. I have been running a fever for 7 days. Sore throat, ear aches, cough and sneezing.
God bless Dennis' PCA's. They are taking good care of him while I have been isolating myself as much as possible. I do not want Dennis to get this - he would drive me crazy!
I did not pick up Mother last Sunday either, and haven't even had the energy to call her. Hopefully, I will be fever free by this Sunday.
Nothing more to add, just a quick note to say we are alive.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Changes, Care-giving and Other Such Stuff
It is Saturday morning shower time for Dennis. Once we get his poopy butt clean, he sits in an IKEA metal chair for the rest of his shower. At this stage of the shower, I get about fifteen minutes to myself.
We purchased a baby monitor a few months back, and it works like a dream. I no longer have to sit in the bathroom to watch for problems. Then we bought an extension shower head, so he can turn the water off and on by himself. These to simple solutions bring me 15 minutes of peace on Saturdays.
As a care-giver, I have learned to relish these moments of worry free times. Sure, I still need to be here, and yes, I must be attentive, but it still gives me a few minutes of hands off care-giving.
When I was a young teen, I hated baby sitting and decided never to have children. And here I sit enjoying the freedom that a baby monitor gives to me. When I was an older teen, my grandmother, Ho Ho, needed to have help when my grandfather went to work. I adored her, but really did not like looking after someone who needed help. When I first went to college, I wanted to become a nurse, but I found out. I did not really like sick people. Yet, here I am.
Life stands in the way of plans and contradicts our belief systems. I always knew I could never do what I am doing, today. Yet, I suppose I must have been wrong. What do I believe now? I am not sure, not quite yet, but I think that it is much different than what I have always known to be my own reality.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
We purchased a baby monitor a few months back, and it works like a dream. I no longer have to sit in the bathroom to watch for problems. Then we bought an extension shower head, so he can turn the water off and on by himself. These to simple solutions bring me 15 minutes of peace on Saturdays.
As a care-giver, I have learned to relish these moments of worry free times. Sure, I still need to be here, and yes, I must be attentive, but it still gives me a few minutes of hands off care-giving.
When I was a young teen, I hated baby sitting and decided never to have children. And here I sit enjoying the freedom that a baby monitor gives to me. When I was an older teen, my grandmother, Ho Ho, needed to have help when my grandfather went to work. I adored her, but really did not like looking after someone who needed help. When I first went to college, I wanted to become a nurse, but I found out. I did not really like sick people. Yet, here I am.
Life stands in the way of plans and contradicts our belief systems. I always knew I could never do what I am doing, today. Yet, I suppose I must have been wrong. What do I believe now? I am not sure, not quite yet, but I think that it is much different than what I have always known to be my own reality.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Friday, September 18, 2009
Falls
Dennis has fallen 3 times this week. The first time he was sitting on the toilet. The second time he was standing in his office, and yesterday he fell in the kitchen.
He has been more careful the past 2 years, and the falls have been few. Even so, obviously they have started to increase. This is not good news. But, it is still workable news.
We have had a toilet seat riser, since we moved last year. It worked for a while, but Dennis has been needing increased support while sitting on the toilet. He requires a steady seat, and a riser does not provide this. It doesn't help that we have hard landing in the bathroom with tiles. Carpeting is out of the question.
Today, we will be checking out other solutions to the toilet problem. I don't know if there are risers that are sturdier, or if we need a new, high rise toilet. Conversely, maybe we need to add some more bars around the toilet.
One problem with MSA, is that there are so many unknowns. I never, in my wildest dreams or nightmares, would have considered that a toilet design would be something that I would have need to think about, when we first embarked on this new journey. But it is, I guess.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
He has been more careful the past 2 years, and the falls have been few. Even so, obviously they have started to increase. This is not good news. But, it is still workable news.
We have had a toilet seat riser, since we moved last year. It worked for a while, but Dennis has been needing increased support while sitting on the toilet. He requires a steady seat, and a riser does not provide this. It doesn't help that we have hard landing in the bathroom with tiles. Carpeting is out of the question.
Today, we will be checking out other solutions to the toilet problem. I don't know if there are risers that are sturdier, or if we need a new, high rise toilet. Conversely, maybe we need to add some more bars around the toilet.
One problem with MSA, is that there are so many unknowns. I never, in my wildest dreams or nightmares, would have considered that a toilet design would be something that I would have need to think about, when we first embarked on this new journey. But it is, I guess.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Shit, I am Old
Just how old are you when you find yourself the official closer on your mother and father's 30 year home? Or, maybe better asked, when your partner falls down three times in one week?
There are significant events in your life that make you realize that you have aged. For some people, the 30th, 40th, 50th 0r 60th birthdays are milestones (I don't yet know beyond the 6th decade). For me, the years haven't meant as much as the events that have happened along the way.
In the past few years I have lost my waist line. This has been a huge reminder of my own age. OLD. Mary, of Peter, Paul and Mary, died two days ago at the age of 72. I thought about how young 72 is - another indication that I am rather old. I am OLD.
I need some time to accept this new thought in my head. What is the routine? Anger, denial then acceptance?
Okay, I am angry! I am old! Grrrrrr!!
Until later
Ann and Dennis
There are significant events in your life that make you realize that you have aged. For some people, the 30th, 40th, 50th 0r 60th birthdays are milestones (I don't yet know beyond the 6th decade). For me, the years haven't meant as much as the events that have happened along the way.
In the past few years I have lost my waist line. This has been a huge reminder of my own age. OLD. Mary, of Peter, Paul and Mary, died two days ago at the age of 72. I thought about how young 72 is - another indication that I am rather old. I am OLD.
I need some time to accept this new thought in my head. What is the routine? Anger, denial then acceptance?
Okay, I am angry! I am old! Grrrrrr!!
Until later
Ann and Dennis
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Alone
I am alone for the first time in over a month. Alone in my own home. No one asking me for anything, no keeping my eyes and ears open for cries for help. Just me. Well, kitty is here, but she is just sitting on the arm of my chair, not asking for anything from me.
I put Dennis on the Metro Mobility bus at 5:30 for his class at Pathways. I do not need to pick him up until 8:30. Three whole hours of aloneness.
I am not going to write anything else, right now. Instead I am going to sit back, stop thinking and enjoy the rest of my three hours in a mindless state.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
I put Dennis on the Metro Mobility bus at 5:30 for his class at Pathways. I do not need to pick him up until 8:30. Three whole hours of aloneness.
I am not going to write anything else, right now. Instead I am going to sit back, stop thinking and enjoy the rest of my three hours in a mindless state.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Sunday, September 13, 2009
Sunday Woes
Okay, I admit that this post is a complete whine. I am feeling sorry for myself in the biggest way. I also know that I will get over this latest gripe in my life and move on to better things. However, it is my prerogative to whine, and your choice to read or leave this behind.
It is football season. To many, this is a reason to celebrate. For me, it is what hell would look like if I believed in such a place. Ever since the Packers found Lombardi and then Brett Starr, I hated football. It was noisy, too competitive and it irritated the hell out of me. Then, moving to Minnesota during the heyday and the likes of the ladies man, Tommy Kramer, I really began to hate the game.
However, everyone around me seemed to love the game. I learned to deal with one Sunday game, and then the game expanded to Monday nights, then Thursday nights and then Sunday day and night. A girl, like me, can only tolerate so much.
So enter the era of Mother living in Minneapolis, and Dennis being a sports fan. Couple this with Sunday being the day I have selected to have Mother hang with us, and you may find one unhappy Ann for the next few months.
I need to find a way to trick them both into wanting to do anything other than watch football.
Today I read, cooked, cleaned up and started tomorrows dinner during the game. It still was only half time after all of that.
In the meantime, I moved mom and Dennis to and from the table, 3 times. I went for a walk at half time with Mother. I even tried watching the game for a while. But, all I was doing was going a bit nuttier than usual. Always, in the back ground, was this irritating noise, and two people cheering over young boys in peddle pushers throwing a ball around. A few years ago, I could have at least appreciated the beauty of the young boys, but now they simply look like the children with whom I work. Yuck.
I will need to figure out a new plan for next Sunday. Clearly, this one is not working. Wish me luck, please.
Until later
Ann and Dennis
It is football season. To many, this is a reason to celebrate. For me, it is what hell would look like if I believed in such a place. Ever since the Packers found Lombardi and then Brett Starr, I hated football. It was noisy, too competitive and it irritated the hell out of me. Then, moving to Minnesota during the heyday and the likes of the ladies man, Tommy Kramer, I really began to hate the game.
However, everyone around me seemed to love the game. I learned to deal with one Sunday game, and then the game expanded to Monday nights, then Thursday nights and then Sunday day and night. A girl, like me, can only tolerate so much.
So enter the era of Mother living in Minneapolis, and Dennis being a sports fan. Couple this with Sunday being the day I have selected to have Mother hang with us, and you may find one unhappy Ann for the next few months.
I need to find a way to trick them both into wanting to do anything other than watch football.
Today I read, cooked, cleaned up and started tomorrows dinner during the game. It still was only half time after all of that.
In the meantime, I moved mom and Dennis to and from the table, 3 times. I went for a walk at half time with Mother. I even tried watching the game for a while. But, all I was doing was going a bit nuttier than usual. Always, in the back ground, was this irritating noise, and two people cheering over young boys in peddle pushers throwing a ball around. A few years ago, I could have at least appreciated the beauty of the young boys, but now they simply look like the children with whom I work. Yuck.
I will need to figure out a new plan for next Sunday. Clearly, this one is not working. Wish me luck, please.
Until later
Ann and Dennis
Thursday, September 10, 2009
Sold.
My parent's house was picked up by a couple seeking a good deal, and I was agreeable. They offered a lot less than we asked, but I knew we had asked too much. They agreed to a counter offer, and want to close quickly. They have cash and are excited to move. I will be happy to have this off of my plate.
Or will I?
My parents had this home built 30 years ago. None of us children have ever really lived there. Early on, my sister and I stayed for a few months at a time, but it has never been "our family home." We have had family Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, and such at this home, but none of us have ever had a full time family experience in this house. It has always been our parent's home, not our home.
Still, there is something a bit bittersweet about this particular ending. I remember the house being built, in this new area of the town where we all grew up. I remember the cool bricks they picked out for the biggest fireplace that I had ever seen. My father even put in the first sun heated water system, an unheard of concept at the time. I was proud of my folks at the time. This was a new feeling for me, and the house still holds these memories.
I suppose this house represents my adult years, and all the changes that have occurred between the ages of 20 and 60 (or close to it). I am happy that someone wants to buy it and update it and make it their own; I don't hold "stuff" as mine. Yet, there is no longer a place for any of us in Eau Claire - the town I grew up in and the town that holds happy, as well as sad, memories.
And that is all I have to say for now.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Or will I?
My parents had this home built 30 years ago. None of us children have ever really lived there. Early on, my sister and I stayed for a few months at a time, but it has never been "our family home." We have had family Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, and such at this home, but none of us have ever had a full time family experience in this house. It has always been our parent's home, not our home.
Still, there is something a bit bittersweet about this particular ending. I remember the house being built, in this new area of the town where we all grew up. I remember the cool bricks they picked out for the biggest fireplace that I had ever seen. My father even put in the first sun heated water system, an unheard of concept at the time. I was proud of my folks at the time. This was a new feeling for me, and the house still holds these memories.
I suppose this house represents my adult years, and all the changes that have occurred between the ages of 20 and 60 (or close to it). I am happy that someone wants to buy it and update it and make it their own; I don't hold "stuff" as mine. Yet, there is no longer a place for any of us in Eau Claire - the town I grew up in and the town that holds happy, as well as sad, memories.
And that is all I have to say for now.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Tuesday, September 8, 2009
It's Not Been a Good Weekend
This has not been a great Labor Day weekend. First, Dennis had a bed, bad case of the shits all weekend. Most of the weekend he sat on the pot, while I cleaned the bed, the carpet, the floor and his butt. We did manage to squeeze in a trip to the Minnesota Zoo with Mother and JoAnne. That was fun.
Last night he started screeching, hollering and screaming in his sleep. I tried covering his mouth, sitting him up, and giving him a second sleeping pill. No luck. I am sure the neighbors were not very thrilled, either.
I went off to work this morning, and had the usual crap at work. When I came home, I found Dennis lying on the floor, surrounded by a broken glass. I don't see it as often as I did a year or two ago; yet I could assess the situation quickly and calmly and act swiftly. I swept, moved him to his knees, got him in a chair and vacuumed the rest of the mess up. Within an hour, I had made him dinner (mashed potatoes and mechanical soft meat - we are off the feeding tube until the shits are gone) and into bed.
Me , I am worried about Dennis. Dennis is worried about both of us. We are trying to find money to help get him more PCA time, but in these economic times, it is difficult. As long as we have any money at all, we are so low on the priority list.
Dennis is going, once again, to his doctor - one that we both like. He is thinking about a colostomy bag. This is way beyond what I am ready to comprehend right now, but I am proud that Dennis is ready to discuss this next possible step.
Last night he started screeching, hollering and screaming in his sleep. I tried covering his mouth, sitting him up, and giving him a second sleeping pill. No luck. I am sure the neighbors were not very thrilled, either.
I went off to work this morning, and had the usual crap at work. When I came home, I found Dennis lying on the floor, surrounded by a broken glass. I don't see it as often as I did a year or two ago; yet I could assess the situation quickly and calmly and act swiftly. I swept, moved him to his knees, got him in a chair and vacuumed the rest of the mess up. Within an hour, I had made him dinner (mashed potatoes and mechanical soft meat - we are off the feeding tube until the shits are gone) and into bed.
Me , I am worried about Dennis. Dennis is worried about both of us. We are trying to find money to help get him more PCA time, but in these economic times, it is difficult. As long as we have any money at all, we are so low on the priority list.
Dennis is going, once again, to his doctor - one that we both like. He is thinking about a colostomy bag. This is way beyond what I am ready to comprehend right now, but I am proud that Dennis is ready to discuss this next possible step.
Monday, September 7, 2009
Day 2
Today is going to be a repeat of yesterday. I am not going to share anymore on this topic right now. Have a great Labor Day Weekend.
Ann
Ann
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Not a Pretty Story
Okay, this begins with a strong warning. This post has a very high gross-out factor.It should only be read by people who are struggling with issues of constipation, feeding tubes, loose stools and those who enjoy a dirty tale.
Yesterday was a double diaper day with an extra throwaway pad everywhere Dennis sat. He also spent a good portion of the day just sitting on the toilet. For those of you that have followed for quite some time, you know that Dennis has constipation problems. These problems are further exacerbated by some of the medications he takes. Recently, we found the right combination of stools softeners, yogurt and senna to gently attack the problems.
We forgot to factor in the feeding tube eating.
It seems, like everything else that Dennis takes, the formula he uses when he feeds causes either constipation or diarrhea. This time around it was the latter.
So, given that we have dealt with this many times, we know how to prevent a complete mess, most of the time. This time was the worst ever and our precautions against messiness were useless.
We began with double diapers. Then his usual pad, and a throw-away on top of that. We had the sheet, a pad, a mattress cover and under that yet another pad. Okay, the bed faired okay to midland, but my Danielito did not.
I woke up to a man with poop up and down his back, his legs, the bed and pillow. First came the horrendous smell, then the sound of swishing and the call of Dennis for help. The poor guy had been sleeping in his own feces all night. He must have been terribly uncomfortable. Thankfully, he doesn't have a great sense of smell, or he most likely would have been gagging and throwing up on top of everything.
Two hours later, he is cleaned up and sitting on the toilet. We were planning on going to the zoo today, but we both think it's best to stay away. We don't want any big, mean critters sniffing at him.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Yesterday was a double diaper day with an extra throwaway pad everywhere Dennis sat. He also spent a good portion of the day just sitting on the toilet. For those of you that have followed for quite some time, you know that Dennis has constipation problems. These problems are further exacerbated by some of the medications he takes. Recently, we found the right combination of stools softeners, yogurt and senna to gently attack the problems.
We forgot to factor in the feeding tube eating.
It seems, like everything else that Dennis takes, the formula he uses when he feeds causes either constipation or diarrhea. This time around it was the latter.
So, given that we have dealt with this many times, we know how to prevent a complete mess, most of the time. This time was the worst ever and our precautions against messiness were useless.
We began with double diapers. Then his usual pad, and a throw-away on top of that. We had the sheet, a pad, a mattress cover and under that yet another pad. Okay, the bed faired okay to midland, but my Danielito did not.
I woke up to a man with poop up and down his back, his legs, the bed and pillow. First came the horrendous smell, then the sound of swishing and the call of Dennis for help. The poor guy had been sleeping in his own feces all night. He must have been terribly uncomfortable. Thankfully, he doesn't have a great sense of smell, or he most likely would have been gagging and throwing up on top of everything.
Two hours later, he is cleaned up and sitting on the toilet. We were planning on going to the zoo today, but we both think it's best to stay away. We don't want any big, mean critters sniffing at him.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Doctors
Yesterday, I took Dennis to see his Parkinson's doctor. I don't particularly like her. She seems to have forgotten to develop people skills as part of her practice. I think she tries, but being a doctor of some prominence seems to be more important that being there for her patients. In reality, I am sure that this is not true, but this is how she comes off, to me.
Most of the doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals that we have met over the past 5 years have had a very positive impact on me. During our hospital and emergency room visits we have met many caring, selfless, interesting and dedicated staff. At the Mayo, we were impressed with how much time was spent listening to and talking with us by research doctors. The Courage Center welcomes the disabled with so much comfort, no one feels out of place. I could, and probably should, go on and on, but I believe that I have made my point.
There definitely people at the Struther's Clinic that we both do like. Joan, the social worker, and Jean, the Physicians Assistant are both easy to talk to and provide the information that we need. There are others, too, that we both like. Happily, we deal with the "others" much more often than his doctor.
I believe that it is fairly apparent that I value social intelligence more than other types of intelligence. Perhaps I should get over this prejudice of mine and accept her for her expertise. I will think about this.
Most of the doctors, nurses, and other health care professionals that we have met over the past 5 years have had a very positive impact on me. During our hospital and emergency room visits we have met many caring, selfless, interesting and dedicated staff. At the Mayo, we were impressed with how much time was spent listening to and talking with us by research doctors. The Courage Center welcomes the disabled with so much comfort, no one feels out of place. I could, and probably should, go on and on, but I believe that I have made my point.
There definitely people at the Struther's Clinic that we both do like. Joan, the social worker, and Jean, the Physicians Assistant are both easy to talk to and provide the information that we need. There are others, too, that we both like. Happily, we deal with the "others" much more often than his doctor.
I believe that it is fairly apparent that I value social intelligence more than other types of intelligence. Perhaps I should get over this prejudice of mine and accept her for her expertise. I will think about this.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Predictability
Dennis' MSA symptoms seem to have hit a plateau, for the moment. After Ireland, he was very tired, and then the surgeries set him back a bit. But, since his catheter fell out last month, he seems to be doing fairly well. At least nothing new has popped up for a while.
I have learned to enjoy these times. Some have been very brief, others quite a nice amount of time. I have stopped worrying about when it will end, and instead enjoy the time at the plateau.
I easily adapt to change, at least, for the most part. Actually, I thrive on change - if it isn't constant. Even so, the changes in Dennis aren't exactly celebratory in nature. So, instead, I celebrate the non-change times.
Right now, I know how the mornings will look. I understand and am able to deal with the best and worst case morning scenarios. I know how the day may go, whether he is with me or with one of his PCAs. We may not lead the most exciting life, on a day to day basis, but we still have our home, travel, friendship and a complete and total love for each other. So, predictability, at least in this case, is wonderful.
And predictability is what I am celebrating today.
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis
I have learned to enjoy these times. Some have been very brief, others quite a nice amount of time. I have stopped worrying about when it will end, and instead enjoy the time at the plateau.
I easily adapt to change, at least, for the most part. Actually, I thrive on change - if it isn't constant. Even so, the changes in Dennis aren't exactly celebratory in nature. So, instead, I celebrate the non-change times.
Right now, I know how the mornings will look. I understand and am able to deal with the best and worst case morning scenarios. I know how the day may go, whether he is with me or with one of his PCAs. We may not lead the most exciting life, on a day to day basis, but we still have our home, travel, friendship and a complete and total love for each other. So, predictability, at least in this case, is wonderful.
And predictability is what I am celebrating today.
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis
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