Hmmmm, Thoughts

I was up or down loading music into I-Tunes today, and I ran across a song named, I Wish I Knew, or something along those lines. Could this be the great downfall of mankind? Wishing we knew what we simply will never know?

I will work four days a week next year. Here is what I know. I know, under the conditions that exist today, that I may never be able to work full time again for Minneapolis Public Schools. I also know that I will take a big cut in pay simply for working fewer days. I know that I am taking a chance on working the same amount of hours for less money, if I am not careful. I think I know how to treat both my peers, our students, our boss and myself, fairly.

Here is what I do not know. Are the two of us able to take a cut in income? Will I be happy being home more often, and away at work less? Will I be productive and make our cut in money and our increase in time together, worthwhile?

It depends on us. It depends on how we decide to view our lives. We do have enough money to take care of ourselves. We do have enough love to thrive. We are both determined to live great, full and loving lives; I don't foresee anything but happiness for us.

Score, Times Two

Oh, my, it's been a very long time since I posted. I am sure that all of my faithful readers have left me! Perhaps I should Twitter instead of blog. I suppose I could get a sentence out each day. Or, maybe I should just work a bit harder at what I have already started.

Actually, I have always been a gal that gets bored easily. I dabble in this, and then I dabble in that. I tend to think of myself as a connoisseur of many interests, but a master of very few. Maybe I have a touch of attention deficit disorder. I will have to look this up in the DSM IV and self-diagnosis myself. Someday, when I have nothing better to do with life.

In the meantime, we have had a few wins. We received notice from Dennis' insurance company that they will cover an initial visit with the movement disorder specialist from Mayo. Score! We also have finally convinced the insurance company that having an HMO from Wisconsin cover him is not acceptable, since we live in Minnesota. Score, 2!

We are lucky. We have the resources to get what we need. We are educated, resilient and resourceful. No one should have to fight this hard to receive what is rightfully coming to them. Yet, we do.

Obama, fix this! Please!

Until later,
Ann and Dennis

AIG and other stuff

The plans for the AIG bailout were delivered yesterday. The plans stinks. The plan simply underlines the idea that the rich get richer and the rest of us get screwed over. Or, perhaps, as I really believe, the higher you get on the chain of command, the further out of touch with reality you become.

Today I was given the charge of figuring out a prep schedule for next year. Just a rough draft, actually, to see if our school is capable of covering 16 preps (55 contractual minutes of preparation time for each classroom/licensed teacher) with 3.2 people each week. Basically, what the district is asking us to do is cut everyone that is not in the classroom to .8. For me, this is fine, and I take a cut in time happily. But for most people, this is just not going to work.

The money aside, the only way we can provide the classroom teachers with a contractual prep time, is to have each prep provider work .8 each day. Who, in their right mind, wants to work 5 days a week for 7 hours? Maybe for some jobs, this might work, but I doubt this. It is just another way of getting more time from employees for less money.

I am still hopeful, that Obama will find a way out of this financial quagmire that we find ourselves drowning in today. We, at the bottom and the middle of the totem pole, understand that we have a long way to go before we crawl out of this spot. I can only hope, those at the top are able and open to figuring it all out before it is way too late.

We Are Not Happy

I try very hard, these days, not to get angry. I am suppose to be mature, at 56, and I am suppose to have learned to control my temper. I am also suppose to be a role model for the children that I work with. In addition, I am suppose to have learned something about the advantages of control and assertiveness, over aggressiveness and being overtly pissed off.

Most days, I win at this game. Some days, I do not do as well. When I am tired of a fight, or I find no sense in a particular stance, I do not do as well as I wish I could. I don't feel too guilty; I am sure most of us have a particular weakness that does us more harm than good.

But I am sick and tired of this insurance business. I imagine that a big part of the problem is that I do not understand the rules. I barely understand simple insurance, let alone, the complications of a Cobra account. I really am not looking forward to Medicare or Medicaid, whatever it is that Dennis deals with next.

This is not right. We throw good money at insurance. We expect our insurance companies to protect us, not fight us. Maybe the whole idea of insurance has become a joke. I, as a consumer, could not argue that insurance has been our friend.

I know that I am naive about matters of making money. Money has never been my number one priority. But I am not stupid, either. I do not like being taken advantage of, as a consumer, and I will fight back when I feel that I am.

And I must quit now, before I say something that I will regret for a long time. And there is something rather sad about that statement, too, isn't there?

Until later,
Ann and Dennis
being screwed by big companies with big money

The weekend

Maybe this is a entry for a list. Bits and pieces of tiny items that just beg to be shared with someone. And you are the lucky recipients of this non all-inclusive list of the ups, downs, and stories of our lives recently.

Insurance

1. Our insurance woes continue. We have been dismissed by Cobra, who holds his insurance, by being told Dennis is only covered by an HMO in Wisconsin. There are no HMO's in Minnesota. They are not budging.
2. ADP, a data processing company, appears to be trying to help us somewhat, but they get the very same answer as Cobra. At least the woman working with us now calls back when she is not happy with the answers given to her.
3. We will contact Ikea directly this week, as well as the Minnesota Attorney General in an attempt to get everything put back into some sort of order.
4. Meantime, the bills keep piling up, and for the most part, the service providers have been more than patient with us.

Work (for me)

1. We made a decision that I would cut back to 4 days a week for next year. One week I will take care of Dennis, to cut down on PCA expense. The next week I will have time to myself, without worry about care-giving for a period of time. We will need to cut down on a few expenses, but now that we have furnished our condo, and really don't need anything new, this should work out okay.
2. I have a countdown until the end of the school year, and I have less than 89 days until my summer vacation. If you remember, the work schedule is one of the best parts of my job. I don't do summer work, and hopefully never will need to work for the money.
3. The long, cold and wet winter made it difficult for teachers and kids, but all of the prevention measures that I put into place this year, have still made my job easier than last year.
   
4. As education goes, especially under our extremely right winged governor, we are facing yet another budget crunch for next year. For the 10th year in a row, we will be facing astronomical cuts for services to our students. We still hold out hope for a change under the new administration of our federal government.

Our weekend

1. Saturday we both had our eyes tested. We both still have healthy eyes, thankfully. We also have both improved eyesight for distance. Unfortunately the changes were significant enough to demand new lenses.
2. We both picked out a new frame -Dennis purchasing one of the bendy frames with bendy lenses and me finding a new funky frame. I guess we will still be fashion plates as we get older and older.

That seems like enough for now.
Until tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis

Saving Milly

Two years ago, Karen, my yoga instructor, loaned me the book, "Saving Milly." The book is the true story of a woman with Parkinson's Plus, and her caregiver husband. I read it and cried through most of the book. I did not tell Dennis about the book, but kept the story that I would not forget to myself.

Today, I stayed home sick. About 1:00 I decided to get out of bed and watch some TV. The movie, Saving Milly, was on one of the many NBC cable affiliate stations. I really wanted to watch the movie, but Dennis was in the kitchen, and could see everything I was watching. I told him about the story and asked him if he was ready to watch it with me.

He was.

At first, the movie seemed to be a comfort to both of us. We are not alone. Then, as the story progressed, and it was apparent she would soon die, we both started to cry. We recognized so much of the present and were given a close snapshot of the future.

When the movie had finished, we both decided that we needed to focus on all the great parts of our lives, the gifts we have been given, and the love we have. Over the next few posts, I will write, once again, about our gifts, our love and all of the greatness in our lives. Thank you for reading, sharing and allowing us to share our lives with you.

Restaurant Week

"We're drifting apart," Dennis told me the other day.

This is not the first time I have heard this sentence from Dennis. He is never afraid to point out to me, and to both of us, that we need to refocus on us. He is never accusatory when he tells me this, he is just stating a fact. I am lucky that Dennis is always ready to articulate any problems in our relationship without pointing fingers. This simple fact always makes any issue an easy fix.

Lately, both of us have retreated and have started to live separate lives. We simply aren't spending much time together. We both have our reasons and excuses, but neither of us are really happy when we are not in sync.

I have decided to lay blame to our recent episode of distancing to Dennis' statement a few weeks back, that he has one to two years left to live. I have been getting ready to be single once again, or letting go early, or some other psychological such thing.

It's a moot point, at least for now. We easily came up with a plan and acted upon it by going out for a mid-week dinner. How lucky for us that it was restaurant week and we had a great 3 course dinner at a great price at a very nice restaurant. Ah, we eat and make up, once again.

Rambling?

When you first make a commitment to writing everyday, you believe that something exciting or interesting will happen everyday. Something new, at least.

I am hear to tell you that history just continues to repeat itself over and over and over.

At least, for me, at the moment.

It is poop fest day. I doubt that Dennis would find any joy in this particular day. But I also assume it beats the alternative. For me, it simply means another day of standing by and waiting for him to call me. Call me to sit, to stand, to wipe, to shower, to clean up, to stop or to do whatever a person needs when they have lost control of the bodily functions that most of us take for granted.

I feel selfish so many days. I feel sorry for myself many days. I also know that I am doing the best that I can for both of us. Dennis also feels selfish and sorry for himself, some days. And he also knows that he is doing the best he can for both of us.

It may not be the relationship that either of us dreamed of, but it is a good relationship.

A Bit More Blood

In honor of Dr. Suess, the first Monday in March is Read Across America Day. At our school, they celebrate this by having tons of guests, teachers, volunteers and parents inundate the children with one of the favorite picture books.

I dressed up as a little old lady, introduced myself as MaMa Osterhus, and told the children the story of the old woman who swallowed a fly. I was a hit. So were many others. But, it also was a long day.

Dennis was in bed, reading the mail, when I walked in. He wanted to get up and get to his room to pay some of the bills we had received. I helped him to a sit up position, put his chair in a good position, and at his request, left him alone.

Ten minutes later I heard a thump.

His already bent up nose has a new bend in the bridge and two more small cuts adorn his face. He still looks better than Mickey Rorke, but he is catching up, slowly.

Until Tomorrow,
Ann and Dennis

Stablilizing

Last summer, everything in our lives was changing so fast that I was sure I would have something new and exciting to write about each and everyday. A blog was born with a promise of a new entry every day for one year.

Well, life does happen, and illnesses do stabilize. I have been sick, and Dennis is stable. I have not needed to write as often, to release my angst, and Dennis' life is a bit easier, in some ways.

The falls for Dennis are, for the most part, an event of the past. He has learned how to walk with aides, people, walkers or chairs, and avoid dangerous situations. It's part acceptance of the reality of his disease and party fear of what the next fall could mean.

His blood pressure has stabilized, also causing fewer falls. This is because he takes fewer medications and he is more aware of when he should and shouldn't move. Sometimes a guy just shouldn't stand up.

The catheter has taken care of the need for daily bedding change. My days have stopped centering around a bed stripping, washing and redoing.

The Courage Center has been wonderful for Dennis. He is able to work out on disability friendly weight machines and his muscles are becoming stronger once again. He enjoys the time there, and feels able once again.

A year can bring about so much change, good and bad. For the most part the last few months have been great. We both needed this - a bit of stability and time for acceptance.

Until later,
Ann and Dennis