A while back I posted that I was so frustrated with Dennis that I slapped him on his back. I received lots of feedback and emails, most of them putting me in my place.
What a horrible carer I am....how awful Dennis must have felt....that I am a woman that should be taken away from Dennis.
This feedback hurt. I have tried to be honest and open about how we are dealing with this horrendous situation. I felt horrible after slapping him, and apologized over and over.
I am far from perfect. I have never pretended to be perfect. I get angry and act in ways that are, at times, horrible. Dennis gets angry at times and acts in ways that are horrible. He is also far from perfect.
I am not sure that I want to write any longer. I want to be honest, but I do not want my honesty to bite me back.
I will think about this for a while.
Until (maybe) later,
Ann and Dennis
Still loving each other the best that we can
9 comments:
Oh, Dear Sweet Ann, no one knows what you go through in a days time. No one knows how you feel about your sweet man that has changed so much and become so needy. No one can understand that but YOU! Please don't get discouraged by their comments. You are encouraging me, someone who is just beginning the struggle with my Dear Dad. Be there for me and others like me. God has placed you in my life to help me and I need you and your advice. Thank you!!! Dana
Ann,
My mom was diagnosed with MSA at the end of 2007, the first semester of my freshman year in college, and VERY few people understand what we go through to care for someone with this disease. I don't know how you do it. My mom isn't lucky enough to have someone like you, and we have had to put her in a nursing home (which she hates, but it's the safest for her). I like to read your blog and makes me feel far less alone. I hope that you don't stop writing, but I will understand if you must stop. The last thing you need is to feel worse emotionally than you already do only because you are pouring your heart out to your readers. However, know that at least one person knows how you feel and knows that you are wonderful for what you do every day. No one and nothing has prepared you for this job, so there should be no expectation of perfection (as if there is such a thing!).
Thank you so much for sharing your life with me and others.
Lauren
Ann, those people who responded with reproach either (1)haven't been in your situation and have no right to judge, or (2)are being less than honest. Please, please, please, don't stop writing. You have helped me more than you'll ever know---especially your uncensored thoughts and feelings. Everyone in my family knows you because I speak of you so often. Your blog is an invaluable gift to me and so many others. I would feel so alone without it.
Ann,
I echo the other comments. Having just spent three years caring for my Dad who has MSA, I know that every day can be a struggle and we don't always do what we know to be right. I was often upset at my father for things that were totally beyond his control just because of my frustration with our situation. It was totally selfish on my part and didn't justify my bad behavior, but I believe God uses the difficult circumstances we often find ourselves in to draw us closer to Him and to each other so that we learn to cling to the things that are most important. Hang in there!
"God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble." Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and he will come near to you. James 4:6-8
Dear Ann, I have been following your blog for awhile now please don't stop writing. My husband has been diagnosed with MSA about a year ago now. It's nice to be able to read your blog.
Maggie
This question is for Lauren, How old was your mom when she was diagnosed with MSA? And as hard as it is you have to know that you made the safest decision to get professional care for your mom. I too had thought I would always care for my husband at home until his brother made me realize that it's not the safest thing to do. Thankfully my husband does seem a long ways from that. Or at least I pray he is.
Maggie
Maggie,
I just read your post after reading Ann's. My mom is 56 and was diagnosed just after her 54rd birthday. We had little choice but to send her to a nursing home. Her husband of a couple of years decided he didn't want to take care of a woman who could no longer cook and clean for him (after encouraging her to sell her house of 20 years to move to a house in the middle of nowhere). So, I was 18 and in the middle of college, my brother was 23 living in Las Vegas, my grandparents nearing their 80th birthdays. We moved her to an assisted living facility where I grew up. She only got in because the owner was a former boss of hers. So, age has made this all even more complicated since she is so young. Now she is in a nursing home near her parents.
How old is your husband?
Lauren, My husband is 61 and was diagnosed last year. From reading everything I possible can about this illness I believe he's had MSA for a couple of years before he was diagnosed. This is such a thing for you and your brother to have to go through. You must know now that you've made the right decision regarding your mom's care. Is your mom in a wheelchair now?
Maggie
She is in a wheelchair. She's primarily been in a wheelchair for a year or so. Everyone progresses at a different rate though, and I think she had symptoms for a year or two before she was diagnosed. We stay as positive as possible...it's the only way to handle the situation.
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