I have been crying quite a lot lately. I thought this part of my life was, at the very least, temporarily over.
I had an appointment with my psychiatrist last week, and she recommended an anti-anxiety pill, but not only did it not work, but seemed to make things worse. Three hours after taking my first pill, I was sobbing out of control.
They last day of our Alaskan cruise, I cried at the airport. Last night I was out of control crying over life in general. Today, all I want to do is cry. I am tired of sucking it up and just as tired of water pouring out of my eyes.
I was hoping the end of work would bring about the end of tears. I am not a gal that gets teary eyed easily, but the last two years I have to really think about whether I should wear mascara on any given day.
I was also hoping that traveling would make it easier, but just the planning alone sets me back to a bloated teen waiting for her period to start and bring relief.
Tomorrow will be my first "Webster" retiree luncheon. All the living retirees from my favorite school get together the day after labor day and celebrate. Perhaps this will cheer me up. After that I will need to pack for our London visit - I always love seeing my sister and brother in law.
Dennis told me today that his belief and faith in God has increased since he became sick. For me, at least now, it is completely the opposite. I do not believe in the saying that God only gives you what you can handle. Today I think that God plays favorites, and that Dennis and I are not on the correct list.
And, like it or not, that is how I feel at this moment in time.
Until later,
Ann and Dennis
4 comments:
Ann, I am so sorry you are feeling like this. My heart goes out to you. You are having to put up with a lot, so it seems your feelings are not abnormal. Pills aren't always the answer; perhaps you just need a person you trust who can help you understand why. Sometimes menopause can make one cry at the drop of a hat, too, so it may be physical rather than mental. I sincerely hope you feel better soon! ((hugs))
Ann, for whatever it's worth, I have days that all I can do is cry. I think it is a natural response to overwhelming responsibility and fatigue. (Interrupted sleep doesn't help.) My faith is in constant flux. I do resent simple platitudes and simple-minded explanations for God's will. As Archie Bunker once said: "God don't want to be defended by no dingbats."
Thank you Ruth and Marsha. I feel much better today, and Dennis does too.
Marsha, I know that you are living the same life I am - some times this life is too overwhelming and crying does provide some relief.
Ann
Ann,
Sorry to chime in so late on this one, but I too have often heard it said that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle, but I don't believe that's actually in the Bible anywhere. We all get in countless situations we can't handle by ourselves...that's why we need God.
These types of situations underscore the fact that we can't handle things on our own...we have to rely on Him, no matter how hard it gets, because He's the only one who can pull us through. And we know we can rely on Him because he loved us enough to take our punishment upon Himself on the cross. He is no stranger to grief and suffering.
I wish I could say that I live every day with this kind of faith, but I too struggle as you have. However, God always proves Himself faithful to me and I know He will be faithful to you because He dearly loves you!
He was despised and rejected by men, a man of sorrows, and familiar with suffering. Like one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not. Surely he took up our infirmities and carried our sorrows, yet we considered him stricken by God, smitten by him, and afflicted. Isaiah 53:3-4
Post a Comment