Jane and I were trying to explain to ourselves why we miss Mother, more than we do Father. I believe it because we felt little responsibility for Father's life, but Mother was under our care, or tutelage, in a manner of speaking, when she died. And therefore we bare some of the responsibility.
We all "coulda, woulda, shoulda", in Mother's case. We all knew she was a klutz for most of her life-time. We all knew that she was easily led astray by her very own thoughts. We all could have done better, if we had all foreseen the outcome. We all should have been more aware of what was happening, if we hadn't all been living our own lives. We all would have done otherwise, if only we had known of the details of the outcome.
With Father, he had always been invincible. He played the stoic man; full of emotional, physical and intellectual strength that was required of a father of a boomer family. But he worked hard at maintaining his stature,and we allowed him his invincible stature.
This will be an odd Christmas - the first without a parent. While this happens to all of us at sometime, it is the first for us. We will enjoy ourselves, and we will be happy. But it will be just a bit bitter sweet as we open presents this year.
I won't be around for a week, or more. On the 26th Dennis and I are headed for a spa/resort in Napa Valley. I am looking forward to a massage and a facial. Naturally, I am also looking forward to great California wine.
Until later, Ann and Dennis
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